Inside Fetish with Genesis Guest will be Sir Valentino topic Clarity, Service and Education

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We are the Real 50 Shades of Grey

Tuesday March 25 at 7:30 PM PST

Sir Valentino’s core household and lifestyle values are Charity, Service and Education. These things are extremely important. But Sir Valentino also has a love for food, so this year he will be incorporating food into every class he teaches; starting with his grilled cheese and spanking class next Wednesday. Also Sir Valentino thinks its entertaining but weird to refer to himself in the third person. Thank you boardwalk empire. Now for some of the stuff Sir Valentino has done in the past few years and through his first title year:

Sir Valentino is your Southern California Leather Master 2013 and your SouthWest Leather Master 2014
~Presenter at Dom Con LA 2010, 2011, 2012 & 2013
~Presenter at BOLD 2014
~Presenter at Olympus Leather 2012
~Performer at Sanctuary LAX Studios (Los Angeles, CA)
~Performed at 2014 AVN Awards
~Presenter at TGIF’s Sunday School (Fresno, CA)
~Presenter at the Annual TGIF Ball (Fresno, CA)
~Educator at Sanctuary LAX Studios (Los Angeles, CA)
~Educator at Dungeon Servitus (San Diego, CA)
~Presenter at Behind Closed Doors 2013 (Tucson, AZ)
~Educator at Desert Dominion (Tuscon, AZ)
~Winner of the 2013 Olympus Leather Community Service Award
~Nominee for TSR Man of the Year 2011
~Taught at local dungeons in various cities including Bakersfield, Victorville, Baltimore, Virgina, Tuscon and Las Vegas, etc.
~Appeared on VH1’s “I’m Married To A…” Episode 104
This last year, Sir Valentino taught 24 classes, traveled more than 10,000 miles through eight states and raised eight and a half tons of food for charity.

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Shows Produced by M.A.P. Productions and TSRnetwork Studio

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Naughty or Nice with Miss Cassie Guest Bettie Bondage Tuesday 9 PM PST on TSRnetwork

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Naughty or Nice with Miss Cassie Live on TSRnetwork.com
Where to watch the show:

Go to: [http://TSRnetwork.com/] or click on following links

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Pop Up Chatroom,

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Naughty or Nice with Miss Cassie
Airs live every Tuesday 9-10pm PST on TSR Network

This week her special guest will be Bettie Bondage.

Professional/Lifestyle Domme, BDSM performer and so much more.

Tune in to find out if Bettie is naughty or nice…

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Shows Produced by M.A.P. Productions and TSRnetwork Studio

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The Trap of the “Cliché” Sub

miss caddy compson The Trap of the “Cliché” Sub

I recently listened to a rant directed toward new female submissives.  All the clichés and pitfalls and traps and nonsense.  All the crap (and sometimes sheer stupidity) that comes with being a new sub.  Of course there are some who skirt all the madness (hoorah!) but it’s more common than uncommon.  The whole rant basically boiled down to new subs not knowing that their submission is a gift.  I don’t buy into the whole notion of submission (or domination) being a gift*, but his rant seriously struck a chord in me.

  • Believing a man is a Dom simply because he gives himself the title
  • Subs who fall in love with a Dom who doesn’t love them back
  • Doms who only see their subs during sexy time
  • Subs who are so eager to please that they don’t examine if this Dom is a good man
  • Doms who restrict a new sub’s communication with other knowledgeable people in the scene
  • Subs pushing too many limits that aren’t ready to be pushed just to be pleasing
  • Thinking that a Dom is a “Master” of a particular craft simply because he owns the toys
  • Being a popular new toy to too many people
  • Getting into a committed relationship (or slapping on a collar, ahem) before proper negotiations
  • Negotiations?  Huh?

The list goes on and on.  It made me think about my own transition into the kink community.  That rant about naïve subs was directly aimed at the new submissive that I once was.  My entire sex life had been immersed in D/s and polyamorous relationships, but all behind closed doors, all in private.  It wasn’t until my mid 20s that I actually came into the community.  I found myself poking around online, seeking and researching and a so-called Dom quickly found me.  Before I knew it, I was in a committed relationship with a man I barely knew, who was screening all my interactions with anyone else in the community.  He wanted orgasm control, which anyone who has gone through this process will tell you is a major deal, often with long lasting repercussions.  No one was allowed to talk to me. He had the passwords to all of my profiles and email.  I was completely isolated with (still) no basis of comparison as to how D/s worked outside the bedroom.  Although he demanded a lot of control in most aspects of my life, he didn’t see me much outside the bedroom.  But, oh, how I longed to please.  He would beat me black and blue knowing that I had diving and swim practice every morning.  Those kinds of marks are very conspicuous in bathing suits and locker rooms.  But I wanted to prove myself as a true sub.  I didn’t even stop to think that I had to make him prove himself a true Dom, too.  I didn’t know I was supposed to.  Within no time at all, he wanted to bring other girls into the dynamic.  I wasn’t on solid footing with him yet, but he wasn’t interested in that.  He wanted more girls.  After a single conversation about it where I voiced my hesitation, he ended it abruptly.  It was a devastating blow at the time.  I had given so much of myself to this person who didn’t give me respect in return.

A lot of people (men and women alike) find themselves in similar states.  I’ve heard that losing your first Dom is one of the hardest losses in the BDSM realm.  It completely turns some people off entirely to this deliciously exciting world.  After one bad experience, they believe this just isn’t for them (and maybe it’s not), but they have fallen into the new sub trap.  Unfortunately, all the great writing geared toward new subs and all the knowledgeable people in the community come along with experience.  (Sometimes too little too late.)

And, indeed, all of those things did come to me with more exposure and experience.  I found the classes and the people who had my best interests at heart.  In retrospect, it was a great thing for me.  Obviously he wasn’t the person for me and I learned a lot.  Fortunately for me, I learned that all of this is worth it for me and is what I am at the core.  The experience gave me an arsenal of what is unacceptable and it helped me develop my voice so that I could better express my expectations and boundaries.  I learned what it means to take care of myself and what it means to take care of my partner.  And now I have a lot of wisdom to pass on to new people who come eager for advice.  It’s empowering once everything kinda “clicks” into place.

Ironically, that particular “Dom” touted the whole “hurt but not harm” motto, even as he continued to prey on new and unsuspecting girls.  He hasn’t ever had a long-term relationship since I’ve known him.

Toxic people permeate…everywhere.  All of life is filled with people who don’t care about us, but that becomes even more pronounced in the dark recesses of an adult playground.  Unfortunately for many, they do not come prepared to play and fall into the common pitfalls and traps.  Looking back on our experiences, I’m sure many of us grimace at some of the choices we made early in our journey (hopefully grimacing less with better choices and as time moves on).  Some of us halted and exited the journey as a result, but for those of us still here, we gained priceless perspective, experience and knowledge, some of which can hopefully be used to the betterment of someone else’s expedition.  Unfortunately, though, no matter how many people we try to save, there will always be those who end up the new sub “cliché.”

 

As far as submission being a gift, I don’t believe that submission (or dominance) is a gift.  It’s a mutual, ongoing, ever-changing dynamic, dependant on each other.  “Gifting” submission and dominance is simplistic and does not take into account things like consent or negotiation.  Gift giving is sometimes one-sided and cannot be taken back.  Of course, we all know that’s not true.  For me, this isn’t a gift that I’m bestowing upon you.  This is essential to my being.  Gifts are superfluous.  My need to submit is not.  Your need to dominate is not.  This is who we are.  And this is what we do together to nourish our souls.  (There are a million different views about the “gift” of submission, but this is what resonates with me.)

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Safe Knife Play

Dynamics by High Lord Bubba

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Ask Yourself – Am I able to do this without injuring my partner? What do I do if I cut them accidentally? What if I trigger some emotional scene? What if others laugh at he knife I use? Will I fulfill my subs desires? Is my skill level sufficient to do what we have discussed? Will others enjoy watching our scene?

• Knife play has somewhat of a mental taboo because people fear getting cut. However, consensual knife play is probably one of the safest forms of physical play as you get immediate feedback when a problem occurs. Compare that to rope or impact play where the damage is often hidden, and may not surface until hours or days later. Sometimes those other types of play will result in lifelong injuries. As with all play in this lifestyle, it all comes down to successful communication. Truly, successful Communication with your paramount is matched by the need for communication with yourself.

• Always remember that shit happens! There is always the possibility of something going wrong. A sudden cramp, an instant’s distraction, anything unexpected!

• The very best practice dummy is yourself. That way, you receive instant feedback of the highest order on what you are doing at that moment, in as clear a communication as possible!

• Accept the limitation that you are only able to control yourself and your actions. About the only way to prevent a trigger is to ask your partner about the possibility of it then plan your scene around it. However, your partner may not know a certain action will be a trigger or they will feel they are over it, but you just happen to have that one other factor involved that makes it happen. Plan for this and if it never happens great, but if it rears its ugly head, at least you are prepared.

• I mention the use of a credit card edge. If you are able to paint the scene well enough with your words you don’t even need a knife! Use you imagination and have fun with it! The more you practice, the more you will learn to think “Outside the Sheath” which in turn makes you a better knife player.

• For the subject, doing knife play requires that you be upfront and honest about what you want/need. You need to be able to trust them not to harm physically or emotionally and most importantly, you need to understand that you are the one in control of the scene.

• The Doms may ask questions that the subject does not think are relevant, but if you were in their shoes, you would understand. Don’t be embarrassed about answering anything, or about volunteering information that wasn’t asked for. Don’t feel that the other person is going to make fun of you or look down on you because you put limits on the session. If the other partner wants something out of the scene that you don’t or can’t do, then don’t be ashamed to walk away. Mental training for the subject is all about self-confidence

• Be confident in what you want, and be specific in how you express that to your partner. Maybe you want to be scared. Then let them know that you get off on the sensation that a knife can bring. Want some or all of your clothing cut off, then prepare for that with your clothing choice, and let them know. Your partner cannot read your mind, so don’t put them in the position where they have to guess.

• Tell your partner so they will know how you will react to something like grabbing your hair firmly, and holding the knife blade to your throat. If you had a bad experience or got cut accidentally one time. Let the partner know so they can know how you might react.
• If you find yourself that this is just a game and you are looking for an escape at the first possible moment, something has gone wrong and you need to safeword right then and there. If you want it to end and it doesn’t  you have now been assaulted and the authorities should be contacted.
• If your partner says that they “had to do that for your own good”, that is bullshit and you’re getting yourself in danger with that partner physically and emotionally down the road.
• If you think there is something wrong with that last statement, that’s fine, but I’ve yet to meet the person that gets in the car after their partner says they need to have you join them while they crash it.

Safety

• Knives are not toys, remember the purpose of a knife was as a weapon, to hurt or even kill someone
• Always have a good quality first aid kit, with antibiotic ointment, cotton balls, fabric band aids and sterile strips, otherwise known as butterfly bandages
• Negotiate your scene, take your time, and never use a knife on another that you have not used on your own skin
• Always clean knives before and after any play session
• Do not boil knives to sterilize. It may warp the blade or cause it to lose its temper
• Have sub shower before play and then wipe her down with alcohol

. Use either a very sharp knife or a dull edge. Those in the middle are dangerous because they are uncontrollable

• Pull knife toward you, never push it
• If scraping, hold blade at 45 degree angle to the skin
• Do not cut above the shoulders. Too many sensitive and irreplaceable bits
• Hold your blade as an artist holds and controls a paintbrush. Your sub is your precious canvas. Be creative while maintaining your control
• Start off with a knife with a blade no larger than the width of your hand
• Always anticipate a flinch or a sudden noise like a plate breaking that might cause your subject to flinch. Know ho

w your subject flinches, in which direction, how much movement, a jerk or a quiver, etc.

• for the absolute safety of the top, NEVER destroy clothing, unless that has been negotiated. The Dom that destroys her brand new matching bra and panties from Victoria’s Secret is asking to die!
• Remember that Knife play is the ultimate edge play and is legally considered assault with a deadly weapon, because it is!

Techniques

• Spank your sub using a long flat blade
• Style, technique, experience and control all impact upon your skill and presentation
• .Preparing the site for the scene should be considered a part of the scene, and may help your sub get into the scene in her mind
• Run your blade up their body, while whispering of all the things you will do to them if they are not a good little slave and stay perfectly still
• Use a very sharp knife to demonstrate cutting of paper, and then once they are blindfolded switch to a different knife
• Use the edge of a credit card instead of a blade edge. You can bear down on their skin without cutting

 

• Put a blade into icy water or freezer to use while it is cold
• Use a blade or credit card dripping with warm water to make them feel as if you have cut them and they are bleeding, even a drop or two
• Hold up your biggest, baddest knife while speaking commands to them, then switch knives, once they are blindfolded
• Use knife to cut their undergarments off, same with bondage rope
• Use cord to suspend multiple blades from a stick or bamboo to tickle their skin in multiple locations simultaneously
• Remember that the psychological aspect may be more important to your subject than the actual physical aspects. Know your sub and her motivations. It isn’t called a mind fuck for nothing!
• A lot of knife play is about scraping, touching and rubbing instead of or in addition to cutting. It is not necessary to bring blood for the knife play to be very stimulating and fulfilling for both parties
• Pour hot wax on them and use the blade to scrape the cooled wax off them

 

• Role play scenes that might involve knives could be interrogations, kidnapping, rape, sacrifice or punishment
• Have a candle or Sterno flame nearby t heat up a blade, and then use a blade from the freezer instead. You could also use the heated blade to place upon a small piece of meat, the sizzling sound and the smell could create the most awesome mind fuck ever!

Choosing a Knife

• Choose your first knives for functionality, not fashion
• Consider a knife made from rubber or polyester as a training or practice knife
• Use a knife with a blade length of approximately the width of your hand at first
• Weight, size, balance, handle and price are all worthy considerations when selecting any knife. Expect to have knives that are only used for your knife play
• Avoid overly long knives as they are unwieldy and hard to balance after a while they may cause your touch and control to degrade

• Any blade that has a nick is no longer safe for use in knife play
• Do not use any knife with a fully serrated edge, as it will be difficult to control
• Always use knives that only have one sharp edge in the beginning
• Never buy a knife with a plated blade. The plating may flake into a wound and cause infection. Also a chrome plated blade is impossible to get really sharp
• The handle should feel comfortable at all angles in your hand, otherwise it will be limited in its usage
• Knives with an overly heavy handle will be hard to judge how much pressure you are putting on the blade
• Consider how hard it might become to control the knife if sweat or water or blood gets on the handle making it slick. Have a towel handy
• Avoid knives with extra decorative parts that might hand up on things like rings, necklaces or bracelets

• An easy way to purposely dull an edge is to drag the blade across steel wool on top of a cutting board, similar to slicing bread

• It is easier to sharpen a blade than it is to regain the confidence of someone that you accidentally wounded
• Choose stainless steel blades and remember that stainless does not mean rustles. A wipe down with mineral oil will help preserve your blades
• Never play with a rusty knife The likelyhood of infection is quite high
• Keep blades separated from one another. Having a canvas or leather pouch will protect your blades from one another as well as protecting you from the dangers lurking in your toy bag
• Use germicidal soap and/or alcohol to clean and sterilize your tools
• Use the knife on yourself first to learn the feel of the blade. Start off with the dull side and progress to the sharp side as you drag the blade across your thigh. Eventually, you should have welts and ridges across your thigh as a result of your familiarization and practice with that blade

Your First Scene

• Ok, you have carefully Selected your first knife, dulled it sufficiently that you are not going to hurt anyone, and practiced on yourself.
• Now you are going to take knife in hand and stimulate someone very sensually.
• This is not the time to jump ahead in the script and try all those things you have just learned about. Neither is is

it the time to try role playing or D/s or M/s play.
• It is not the time to try mind fucks of any variety. This is just an extension of your practice. Just the basics will do very nicely.
• It may take you as much as a year before you do a scene with your normal partner without extensive negotiation and pre-planning. Explain what is going to happen and help them to relax.
• Have them to lay down in a relaxed and on a clean and sturdy surface. Never do this on a water bed! A standing subject is very different. Muscle tension, skin looseness, etc.
• Take your time, and you relax as well as your subject. Check in with your sub periodically to ensure she is OK with all th

is and is not being quiet because she is terrified…

• Be caring, concerned, and supportive as you develop a subject that has trust and confidence in you.

Resources

Cutlerycorner.net
Mostly hunting and field knives, with occasional exotics. Good prices.
SMKW.com Smokey Mountain Knife Works
All kinds of knives, reasonably priced. A source for rubber or polyester training and
practice knives
Bigbobsknives.com
Some exotics, smaller assortments reasonable prices

The Toybag Guide to Erotic Knifeplay, Miranda Austin

One of the few lifestyle references for learning about Knife Play. Highly recommended!

Several Groups here on Fetlife.com related to knives and knife play.

Running With ScissorsKnife Cravings
Knife Play Central
Blood/Knife Play Pictures
Knife Lovers
On The Knifes Edge
Knife Play
Fear Play
…the list goes on and on….

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Honor,Integrity, Etiquette, Protocol and Respect

 

Sexy girl BDSM

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I think that we have to have standards in our community and community accountably. It starts with mentor-ship and education. Thousands and thousands new people are coming into our life choice. Honor, Integrity, Etiquette, Protocol and Respect is what we claim to live by and now is a time to put those thoughts to action. We as a community would have nothing if we did not live by these standards.

You have to ask yourself when do we incorporate community accountably in to our world of BDSM. With the thousands and thousands of people that come into our community daily how do we begin to achieve and create a community with high morals and respect and most of all honor. In the BDSM world we are all new born babies and are learning how to walk, but with education and communication we can achieve this and make our community better and safer place.

Can you imagine if we all could band together how we could really change the world for the better? We are part of each other and we all can make this community stronger and more united on many levels. I do believe that we can make a change if we start teaching and practice basic common sense and really look at our actions in this community. Etiquette, Protocol and respect is there for us if we really wish our community to grow. We do have promise, I truly believe that… We can’t do it over night and make BDSM police but we can teach new ones and not so new ones that their word is their bond and to live by Etiquette, Protocol and respect but most of all integrity.

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