The “Velcro Collar”

There are two ways that collars are viewed in the community: fashionably and symbolically (not always mutually exclusive). Oftentimes, people confuse the two. What results is a “Velcro collar” that literally and figuratively comes on and off easily and at whim.

Collars are a staple in the BDSM community. It is the submissive “badge” that is worn proudly. There are times when it may be the only thing that a submissive wears, at all. Wearing a collar is kinky as hell and there are as many types of collars as there are submissives who wear them. Leather, metal, rope, whatever’s kinkiest to the players. It can be a real thrill getting led around in private or even at a kinky event with your collar and leash. And what D-type wouldn’t want to be on the leading end of that leash? In their most elementary form, collars look good and are super sexy. They are versatile in their kink and fun factor and immediately give a Dominant or submissive tangible roles in their play.

However, as fun and kinky as collars are to give and to wear, they also hold a much more meaningful and significant purpose to the community. To many, they are as important, if not more important, than a wedding ring. They hold that much meaning. Indeed, a collared relationship is likened much to a marriage. To collar someone or to be collared to someone is a sign of deep commitment and love. It signifies a pledge of longevity and devotion. Among countless other attributes, a Dominant is assuring guidance and protection. A submissive is vowing loyalty and servitude. Together they promise themselves to each other. Only with much thought and consideration should a true collaring take place. It is with one mind that the Dominant and submissive come to the place of a collaring. A partnership. It’s the road that many D/s relationships hope to travel. It is more valuable than any fashion token. (At this point, a token may not even be needed at all.)

Unfortunately, in the haste to enjoy the kinky, fun, more fashionable side of collars, people collar others or accept collars that don’t carry much weight or have much significance. They don’t value it for its true purpose. They bounce from partner to partner essentially “trying on” collars. The collars go on and come off as though held on with Velcro. One week a sub is collared to one Dom, the next to someone different. A Dom has given a collar to a sub and in a blink of an eye taken it away again. A veritable collar yo-yo as it were.

This misuse of collars is becoming even more noticeable as the online community gains momentum. People can now list their relationship statuses. It’s made the collar a very popular status symbol. Once you slap a collar to it, everyone knows that you’re fucking or playing or even sometimes doing something as seemingly innocuous as just talking. It’s kinda cool that way. Now everyone knows that you’re connected to this person. If you’re in an online relationship, it gives your relationship more cred. BECAUSE people put real value to a collar, it does make a relationship seem more important and more “real” if it’s collared.

Sometimes, though, a relationship doesn’t need to be anything more than fucking or playing. Or talking online. Just as in the vanilla world where it’s frowned upon to bounce from marriage to marriage to marriage without any real thought or commitment, it’s not thought highly to dabble much in the BDSM world of Velcro collars, either. It’s awesome to use collars in a scene or for play, but delineating it as an indicator for the deeper, more significant level of commitment devalues its true worth. That’s how we end up with Velcro collars out there.

That’s not to say that a D/s relationship is infallible and that a collar is never taken or given back, but it does mean that a collar is more than just a fashion statement in the BDSM world. It means that there is a partnership full of dedication and allegiance. It means there’s deeper significance than a status symbol. And it also means that deliberation and contemplation have been given to arrive at the place of a collaring. What the relationship looks like in the particular D/s relationship is as varied as collars, but the universal value is essentially the same.

Of course, a collar is only as significant as the people who use them. And sometimes a person needs to go through a few Velcro collars to really find its true worth. Maybe they never find a deeper value for a collar and use it as a more disposable commodity. Not everyone puts the same weight on relationships. Or collars. Conversely, relationships can be just as valuable without the need for a collar, at all. Not everyone feels validated by a collar (nor should a collar be the sole validation in a relationship). People can experience full and rich D/s without any use of a collar, fashionably or symbolically.

Regardless of how much power individuals put on collars in their personal dynamics, collars are going to continue to be an important part of BDSM. And it’s good. We need to have something distinct to kink that makes it different from the vanilla world. Some people are going to use Velcro collars and some people are going to use a collaring ceremony as marriage vows. It all depends on the agreed upon dynamic with the Dom and sub. Whatever that dynamic, communication is key. One party has to be privy to the other. Negotiation and communication is always mandatory, as well as an honest look at one’s self and partner. It would be a horrible and jolting reality if one or the other was using a collar in the Velcro sense and the other was looking at it as an indication of commitment.

Collars are kinky. Use them wisely.

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Safe Knife Play

Dynamics by High Lord Bubba

lordbubba copy

Ask Yourself – Am I able to do this without injuring my partner? What do I do if I cut them accidentally? What if I trigger some emotional scene? What if others laugh at he knife I use? Will I fulfill my subs desires? Is my skill level sufficient to do what we have discussed? Will others enjoy watching our scene?

• Knife play has somewhat of a mental taboo because people fear getting cut. However, consensual knife play is probably one of the safest forms of physical play as you get immediate feedback when a problem occurs. Compare that to rope or impact play where the damage is often hidden, and may not surface until hours or days later. Sometimes those other types of play will result in lifelong injuries. As with all play in this lifestyle, it all comes down to successful communication. Truly, successful Communication with your paramount is matched by the need for communication with yourself.

• Always remember that shit happens! There is always the possibility of something going wrong. A sudden cramp, an instant’s distraction, anything unexpected!

• The very best practice dummy is yourself. That way, you receive instant feedback of the highest order on what you are doing at that moment, in as clear a communication as possible!

• Accept the limitation that you are only able to control yourself and your actions. About the only way to prevent a trigger is to ask your partner about the possibility of it then plan your scene around it. However, your partner may not know a certain action will be a trigger or they will feel they are over it, but you just happen to have that one other factor involved that makes it happen. Plan for this and if it never happens great, but if it rears its ugly head, at least you are prepared.

• I mention the use of a credit card edge. If you are able to paint the scene well enough with your words you don’t even need a knife! Use you imagination and have fun with it! The more you practice, the more you will learn to think “Outside the Sheath” which in turn makes you a better knife player.

• For the subject, doing knife play requires that you be upfront and honest about what you want/need. You need to be able to trust them not to harm physically or emotionally and most importantly, you need to understand that you are the one in control of the scene.

• The Doms may ask questions that the subject does not think are relevant, but if you were in their shoes, you would understand. Don’t be embarrassed about answering anything, or about volunteering information that wasn’t asked for. Don’t feel that the other person is going to make fun of you or look down on you because you put limits on the session. If the other partner wants something out of the scene that you don’t or can’t do, then don’t be ashamed to walk away. Mental training for the subject is all about self-confidence

• Be confident in what you want, and be specific in how you express that to your partner. Maybe you want to be scared. Then let them know that you get off on the sensation that a knife can bring. Want some or all of your clothing cut off, then prepare for that with your clothing choice, and let them know. Your partner cannot read your mind, so don’t put them in the position where they have to guess.

• Tell your partner so they will know how you will react to something like grabbing your hair firmly, and holding the knife blade to your throat. If you had a bad experience or got cut accidentally one time. Let the partner know so they can know how you might react.
• If you find yourself that this is just a game and you are looking for an escape at the first possible moment, something has gone wrong and you need to safeword right then and there. If you want it to end and it doesn’t  you have now been assaulted and the authorities should be contacted.
• If your partner says that they “had to do that for your own good”, that is bullshit and you’re getting yourself in danger with that partner physically and emotionally down the road.
• If you think there is something wrong with that last statement, that’s fine, but I’ve yet to meet the person that gets in the car after their partner says they need to have you join them while they crash it.


• Knives are not toys, remember the purpose of a knife was as a weapon, to hurt or even kill someone
• Always have a good quality first aid kit, with antibiotic ointment, cotton balls, fabric band aids and sterile strips, otherwise known as butterfly bandages
• Negotiate your scene, take your time, and never use a knife on another that you have not used on your own skin
• Always clean knives before and after any play session
• Do not boil knives to sterilize. It may warp the blade or cause it to lose its temper
• Have sub shower before play and then wipe her down with alcohol

. Use either a very sharp knife or a dull edge. Those in the middle are dangerous because they are uncontrollable

• Pull knife toward you, never push it
• If scraping, hold blade at 45 degree angle to the skin
• Do not cut above the shoulders. Too many sensitive and irreplaceable bits
• Hold your blade as an artist holds and controls a paintbrush. Your sub is your precious canvas. Be creative while maintaining your control
• Start off with a knife with a blade no larger than the width of your hand
• Always anticipate a flinch or a sudden noise like a plate breaking that might cause your subject to flinch. Know ho

w your subject flinches, in which direction, how much movement, a jerk or a quiver, etc.

• for the absolute safety of the top, NEVER destroy clothing, unless that has been negotiated. The Dom that destroys her brand new matching bra and panties from Victoria’s Secret is asking to die!
• Remember that Knife play is the ultimate edge play and is legally considered assault with a deadly weapon, because it is!


• Spank your sub using a long flat blade
• Style, technique, experience and control all impact upon your skill and presentation
• .Preparing the site for the scene should be considered a part of the scene, and may help your sub get into the scene in her mind
• Run your blade up their body, while whispering of all the things you will do to them if they are not a good little slave and stay perfectly still
• Use a very sharp knife to demonstrate cutting of paper, and then once they are blindfolded switch to a different knife
• Use the edge of a credit card instead of a blade edge. You can bear down on their skin without cutting


• Put a blade into icy water or freezer to use while it is cold
• Use a blade or credit card dripping with warm water to make them feel as if you have cut them and they are bleeding, even a drop or two
• Hold up your biggest, baddest knife while speaking commands to them, then switch knives, once they are blindfolded
• Use knife to cut their undergarments off, same with bondage rope
• Use cord to suspend multiple blades from a stick or bamboo to tickle their skin in multiple locations simultaneously
• Remember that the psychological aspect may be more important to your subject than the actual physical aspects. Know your sub and her motivations. It isn’t called a mind fuck for nothing!
• A lot of knife play is about scraping, touching and rubbing instead of or in addition to cutting. It is not necessary to bring blood for the knife play to be very stimulating and fulfilling for both parties
• Pour hot wax on them and use the blade to scrape the cooled wax off them


• Role play scenes that might involve knives could be interrogations, kidnapping, rape, sacrifice or punishment
• Have a candle or Sterno flame nearby t heat up a blade, and then use a blade from the freezer instead. You could also use the heated blade to place upon a small piece of meat, the sizzling sound and the smell could create the most awesome mind fuck ever!

Choosing a Knife

• Choose your first knives for functionality, not fashion
• Consider a knife made from rubber or polyester as a training or practice knife
• Use a knife with a blade length of approximately the width of your hand at first
• Weight, size, balance, handle and price are all worthy considerations when selecting any knife. Expect to have knives that are only used for your knife play
• Avoid overly long knives as they are unwieldy and hard to balance after a while they may cause your touch and control to degrade

• Any blade that has a nick is no longer safe for use in knife play
• Do not use any knife with a fully serrated edge, as it will be difficult to control
• Always use knives that only have one sharp edge in the beginning
• Never buy a knife with a plated blade. The plating may flake into a wound and cause infection. Also a chrome plated blade is impossible to get really sharp
• The handle should feel comfortable at all angles in your hand, otherwise it will be limited in its usage
• Knives with an overly heavy handle will be hard to judge how much pressure you are putting on the blade
• Consider how hard it might become to control the knife if sweat or water or blood gets on the handle making it slick. Have a towel handy
• Avoid knives with extra decorative parts that might hand up on things like rings, necklaces or bracelets

• An easy way to purposely dull an edge is to drag the blade across steel wool on top of a cutting board, similar to slicing bread

• It is easier to sharpen a blade than it is to regain the confidence of someone that you accidentally wounded
• Choose stainless steel blades and remember that stainless does not mean rustles. A wipe down with mineral oil will help preserve your blades
• Never play with a rusty knife The likelyhood of infection is quite high
• Keep blades separated from one another. Having a canvas or leather pouch will protect your blades from one another as well as protecting you from the dangers lurking in your toy bag
• Use germicidal soap and/or alcohol to clean and sterilize your tools
• Use the knife on yourself first to learn the feel of the blade. Start off with the dull side and progress to the sharp side as you drag the blade across your thigh. Eventually, you should have welts and ridges across your thigh as a result of your familiarization and practice with that blade

Your First Scene

• Ok, you have carefully Selected your first knife, dulled it sufficiently that you are not going to hurt anyone, and practiced on yourself.
• Now you are going to take knife in hand and stimulate someone very sensually.
• This is not the time to jump ahead in the script and try all those things you have just learned about. Neither is is

it the time to try role playing or D/s or M/s play.
• It is not the time to try mind fucks of any variety. This is just an extension of your practice. Just the basics will do very nicely.
• It may take you as much as a year before you do a scene with your normal partner without extensive negotiation and pre-planning. Explain what is going to happen and help them to relax.
• Have them to lay down in a relaxed and on a clean and sturdy surface. Never do this on a water bed! A standing subject is very different. Muscle tension, skin looseness, etc.
• Take your time, and you relax as well as your subject. Check in with your sub periodically to ensure she is OK with all th

is and is not being quiet because she is terrified…

• Be caring, concerned, and supportive as you develop a subject that has trust and confidence in you.

Mostly hunting and field knives, with occasional exotics. Good prices. Smokey Mountain Knife Works
All kinds of knives, reasonably priced. A source for rubber or polyester training and
practice knives
Some exotics, smaller assortments reasonable prices

The Toybag Guide to Erotic Knifeplay, Miranda Austin

One of the few lifestyle references for learning about Knife Play. Highly recommended!

Several Groups here on related to knives and knife play.

Running With ScissorsKnife Cravings
Knife Play Central
Blood/Knife Play Pictures
Knife Lovers
On The Knifes Edge
Knife Play
Fear Play
…the list goes on and on….

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