Leadership in the BDSM

smalltitter4Leadership in the BDSM Life Choice is very easy for me explain from my point of views. But with that, we all have opinions like we all have a– holes.

My opinion about Leadership is not how long you have been into BDSM it is about what positive things you have done to make this life choice better. We have lots of teachers and leaders in BDSM that have gotten there because they know a skill and yes lots of them are predators and lots are amazing people.

A leader has to have a heart of a lion that is willing to fight for what is right and build up the community for the whole and not for ego. One that understands that we as community are ONE and what we do reflects and affect others. It is the glue that makes us strong and without it we just another adult playground for huge egos and misunderstanding which causes chaos.

I believe you have to earn the right to be called a leader not on how well you fling a flogger or tie someone up. What do you do behind the scenes that nobody knows matters? A true leader will do things without acknowledgement to the public. They live the life of honesty and integrity and their word is their bond. They own up to their mistakes and take responsibly for their action. They respect them self and others and don’t use others to build their false ego.

To me leadership an importance role in our community and not to be taken lightly. We have to ask ourselves this question (Do we make a difference and how so in a positive way or a negative way?)

How do we teach the next generation that is going to replace the leaders of time and guide them on to this journey of leadership? Leadership comes from the heart and the love of this life choice of BDSM. Do we teach them to be good at craft so you can win the hearts of some young thing and not really understanding what is meant by I will hurt you but never harm you. Do we make idols out of people that do not think about the welfare of the people but the next conquest?

Leadership to me is more than just a title it’s how we make a difference in how we live this life of BDSM. It is passion and it is just bigger than just a thought. It the foundation of our life choice and it’s pure and simple, it is all of us that take the time to make sure we change this live choice in a positive way.

Rev Mel

The Surfer Theory

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The Surfer Theory:

Men who surf are not only kinky but need a female led relationship.

Intro:

Now I have spoken to several “surfers” who have confirmed my theory and I have seen it manifest without concern for age, ethnic background, or economic level.  I have also seen it take on different flavors from a vanilla boy unhappy with past relationships because the women all wanted him to be the strong one; to very kinky little boys who need a Mommy to love and discipline them.

Observation:

Things surfers seem to have these things in common on some level:

The ocean is one of their favorite places to be

Being out on the water makes them feel alive

Even after having a painful/disastrous wipe-out, they can’t wait to go back

Being in the water, feeling the power of the waves, is an obsession

The ocean is capricious and unpredictable

Mother Nature is all powerful and controlling

Submitting to the waves is the way to overcome

Survey:

And I have discovered a great deal of similarities in my many conversations with about 10-15 surfers I have met online (and in person) that connect to their needs in relationships:

Seeking “Mother Nature” type relationship

Want someone else to make the decisions

Need for female led relationship

Need for discipline

Need for love and affection

Need for the other person to have some level of control in their lives

Note:

Inference is the act or process of deriving logical conclusions from premises known or assumed to be true.

Inference:

From these similarities in how they view the ocean, and how they view relationships I have made the following observation.  Surfers are kinky on some level and the majority I have met have a desire to have a specific type of D/s relationship:  Mommy/boy.

I understand and concede that this type of dynamic may be the extreme, but it is also the most commonly seen.

Conclusion:

There seems to be some kind of correlation between how they view the ocean, surfing, Mother Nature; and the type of relationship they seek:  One that includes a dominant female, discipline (including pain and control) and soothing, affectionate aftercare.  In many cases there is also a sense of “worship” and a feeling that “Only Mommy really understands what I need most.”

There also seems to be a connection between the “taboo” quality of this type of D/s dynamic and the “anti-establishment” attitudes found in the surfer culture.

Finally, I am curious to connect with and “survey” by conversation, any surfers who feel they may connect to this theory on any level.  Feel free to contact me with “Surfer Theory” in your subject line, or first sentence.

Generations from now

thizbeeBack CameraGenerations from now,

How will the hipsters,

Who haven’t been born yet;

See us?

 

What will they think of their past?

What will they think is cool?

How important will these things be?

 

Fashion, Art, Music,

Love, Lust, Morality?

 

Money, Infamy, Celebrity,

Motivation, Influence, Notoriety?

 

Drama economics, Wrong wing Bullies,

Dog eat Dog, God eat God,

Two class society (sounds like slavery)

Power hungry political progeny

 

And this makes me think about the victims of Social tormentors

 

The rich kid, bully,

Perfect at everything,

Ex-jock, ex-prom-queen,

Ex-movie star, political superstar.

 

Climbing the corporate ladder to success on the backs of your victims:

Just like when we were in 2nd grade

And you pushed me down

And all our friends laughed.

 

You already have everything.

I’m nothing

I got nothing

Why do you keep hurting me?

 

So you established your dominance

And have been vying for

Your way to the top

Ever since.

 

Looking for volunteers for TSRnetwork.com

TSRnetwork.com

Join us at TSRnetwork and make a difference in BDSM.

Come and be a part of something bigger then just going to a play party.

We will be closed down for the Month of Oct and will be back on air in November with our life shows.

We need Volunteers for the live shows and for help in in getting the shows out on social media.

We need production and assistance’s for booking the shows and so much more. If you want to give service back to the community supporting TSRnetwork Free BDSM TV is a good way to do something that matters. You can be any where in the world and help support TSRnetwork with social media or creating a hype about TSRnetwork and their live shows.

We broadcast live on Youtube, Google +, Fetlife, Twitter, Facebook and TSRnetwork.com.

Also we will be producing BDSM Pride Day and The TSR People’s Choice Awards and adding more shows to the network.

We are looking for more Hosts that would love to comment to doing a weekly, bi weekly or special event show.

It does not matter if you live in Los Angeles or not we can host shows from all the world.

Before the closing of the old studio we have more the 4 million watch the shows live and in the archives. Since we relaunched in February we have over a 100 thousand people tune into the live and recorded shows.

We have been interviewing people live all over the world and we are known world wide. People ask me why I do this if its not about making money I tell them that this is my way of giving back and being of service to our world wide BDSM community.

We work hard at creating a positive image to the outside world. We are getting notice by the vanilla world and the BDSM world and being asked to be on radio shows and main stream TV shows.

Rev Mel will be interview this Friday on Playboy radio at 12 PM PST and the topic will be The Real Fifty Shades of Grey.

So if you have a little bit of time and want to volunteer and support a good cause then please message me here at revmel (at)tsrnetwork. (com)

Thanks Rev Mel

 

Rev Mel will be interview on Playboy Radio by Dr. Limor Blockman

Dr Limor Come and join us on Playboy Radio as Dr. Limor will be interviewing Rev Mel on Friday Oct 3rd at Noon. Will be talking about How Fifty Shades of Grey has affected our live choice.

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Dr. Limor Blockman, PhD, is a renowned clinical Sex Counselor, practicing relationship and family counseling since 2003.

Dr. Limor is an advice columnist, speaker and author, specializing in short-term therapy, as well as Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT), clinical supervision, case management, and sex therapy education programs.

Dr. Limor holds a PhD in Human Sexuality, a Master’s Degree in public health & community medicine and a Bachelor’s degree in psychology & behavioral sciences.

Dr. Limor brings knowledgeable and insightful viewpoints to today’s most provocative issues, she has reached people worldwide through her presence in print, TV, radio, video and the internet.

Dr. Limor’s warm, vivacious personal style has made her a sought-after guest on hundreds of international television and radio shows. She was the co-host of a late-night show on Israeli Channel 2.

Dr. Limor is the author of the revolutionary tip book “365 Daily Tips for Outrageous Sex & Intimacy” (1st release in English) and three bestselling books (published in Hebrew):”300 Tips for better Sex” – platinum awarded in 2007, “Gay Pride”- a guide for the LGBT community & “Confessions” – a memoir.

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Mel_2014Rev Mel is a female Dom with over 20 years in the lifestyle and an ordained minister and a BDSM Consultant, educator and freedom rider who firmly believes that religion and hot wet sex go hand-in-hand. She tells it like it is, and preaches that a life filled with indulgent sex is a life that?s fun, sanctimonious and worth living. To her critics, she responds, ?What?s the big deal? Our mothers and daughters do it? even the government representatives who want to control how sex is depicted in our culture do it ? sometimes in ways their constituents could never imagine.?

Host of the Rev Mel show on TSRnetwork.com each Monday night and she has interviewed Jay Wiseman, Venus De Mila, Guy Baldwin, Midori, Jack Rinella, Nina Hartley and experimental show maker music legend Kim Fowley and so many other outstanding leaders in the BDSM Community. The Rev Mel is live on Monday nights at 8 PM PST Only on TSRnetwork.com your place for Live Kink TV…

She founded The Sacred Realm known as The Church of Perversion and Debauchery (COPAD) in Los Angeles and TSRnetwork.com and the Sacred Realm. The Sacred Realm is an alternative non-traditional spiritual group that embraces all sexual orientations and sexual practices. We welcome all lifestyles and anyone who wish to explore their spiritual side of life. Rev Mel is also the founder of BDSM Pride Day and the TSR Peoples choice awards a live broadcast from Hollywood, CA. BDSM PRIDE DAY is OUR day: a day of unity- a day for BDSM-coming-out ? a day of protest against discrimination ? a day of celebrations and parties ? SM Pride!

The last 12 years Rev Mel have been teaching the S/m 101 open forum at the Lair de Sade a class for new people to this life choice and has spoken all over the country to like minded folks. She is the founder and Exc Producer of TSRnetwork.com and master mind behind broadcasting live free BDSM kink educational shows for very 12 years.
http://talkingsexradio.com/

 

30 Ways To Happiness By Rev Mel

ehm copyHappiness is a state of mind. Yes, I agree that money does not buy you happiness and the only place you can find that state of happiness is from the inside of your heart, mind and soul. Money can help with the daily stress of paying bills and putting food on your table. I lived in Beverly Hills for 18 years and there were a lot of unhappy people and you could feel their rage.

My happiness comes from being connected in spiritual way with the universe as some will make jokes and say, “Rev Mel is a Woo Woo kind of person”. This a pretty good way of putting it. I live by a few things that I have learned about life and try to live them daily.

**30 ways to happiness By Rev Mel**

1. Be Kind to everyone
2. Don’t get involved in gossip and hurtful conversations.
3. Listen more and less talking
4. Take time to heal and never put it all over the internet when your upset or disspointed.
5. Smile and Laugh more
6. Stay away from people who put out drama.
7. Be grateful everyday for just being alive.
8. You kink may not be my kink but I keep my opinions to myself.
9. Take time to be alone and reflect on the positives parts of your life.
10. Never be jealous of others success your day will come if you stay postive.
11 Never judge anyone.
12. Never make fun of anyone that has not consented.
13. Keep your ego in check
14. Master yourself
15. Let go of the past.
16. Make amends with other even if you did not cause the problem.
17. Find joy in the little things.
18. Always tell the truth as it is hard to remember the lies of you don’t.
19. Tell the people that you love that you love them.
20. Be gentle to someone that is hurting and give them self time to heal.
21. Not everyone is on your time table stop trying to control everything in life.
22. Meditate and listen to soft gentle music to clear your mind.
23. Think before you speak and never speak in anger.
24. Go to the beach and feel the waves as it heals your soul
25. Be gentle with your self and love yourself with such kindness.
26. Kiss more and have more sex.
27. Create a safe place where you can heal yourself and be quiet.
28. Stay off the internet and go out side and walk in a park.
29 Be honest about who you are.
30.Be your true authentic and transparent self and really be live it.

Thank you for reading this and Walk in peace, love, joy and the light..

Rev Mel

The Rev Mel Show with guest Author Laura Antoniou Live July 28 at 8 PM PST

The Rev Mel Show Live BDSM TV where we have talk shows that talk about the Lifestyle, safety and education. We are the Real Fifty Shades of Grey. Come and join us in the chat room.

Author Laura Antoniou is our guest on July 28 on the Rev Mel Show BDSM TV Live.

She is the author of Marketplace and will giving out an E-book copy of Marketplace to someone in the chat room this Monday evening at 8 PM PST.

Proud member of the Middle Aged Guard Laura Antoniou is the author of the well known Marketplace series of erotic novels, but has also written dozens of short stories, essays and other works in various genres for over 25 years. Winner of the NLA Lifetime Achievement Award and the Pantheon of Leather Lifetime Achievement Award, she nevertheless intends to keep living for quite some time. A popular speaker on topic relating to alternative sexual practices – aka kinky sex – she has presented, taught and ranted at over 150 conferences and events all over the world since the 1980’s, delivering enlightenment, entertainment and indictments. She has also appeared at colleges and universities, including Harvard, NYU, Rutgers, Columbia and the University of Washington.

Over the years, her work has been translated into Spanish, German, Japanese and Hebrew; in 2010, she hit the world of e-books as the Marketplace moved to a new publisher and Laura came out as Christopher Morgan, best-selling writer of gay male erotica, including the novel Musclebound. Together with her wife, Karen Taylor, she has written a ritually correct leather Passover seder, titled Avadim Chayanu.

In 2013, Laura released two new books – a collection of Marketplace fan fiction, (No Safewords) and a comedy murder mystery (The Killer Wore Leather) that was a finalist for a Lambda Literary Award. The long-awaited 6th book in the Marketplace series, The Inheritor is scheduled for the end of 2014, when she will make her first appearance as editor of the long running Best lesbian Erotica series from Cleis Press. Keep track of her on Fetlife, Facebook & Twitter, and at LAntoniou.com

Go to: [http://TSRnetwork.com/] or click on following links

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The Movie Fifty Shades of Grey are we ready for this?

I see that there is a huge uproar in our community about the upcoming movie. When the books were release So many people come into my classes at the Lair that had read the books. I saw it taper down a bit but if this movie is a success in the vanilla world we will have more and people joining our community.

Some would think that we are not ready for this as a community as more and more people are coming into the life choice without really know what this thing we call BDSM is all about. I have taught thousands of newbies that have been brought in by the book and the movie they are going to come at records numbers.

It is up the season educators, teachers and players to educate the masses that are coming into the life style. We are not about fashion, how hard you can fling a flogger or how many slaves you own. It’s about honor and respect and integrity and how to keep a sub, slave or bottom safe. It’s about never harming the mind, body or soul and yes I will hurt you but never harm you in any way.

Community Leaders need to come together and work with each other to build a strong community of support. We will have many people coming in and yes Fetlife will in-cress in the amount of people joining but will this be good for our real time community? Only time will tell….

Hollywood is taking notice and BDSM is going to be the new hot topic to make TV series and movies much like the vampire did to TV and films.

Are we ready for this? I think we are as we have many educators, teachers and community leaders that are looking at how we can educate the new influx of people coming in. I see it on Facebook, Twitter, Fetlife and yes. I have written about it on TSRnetwork.com.

We as a community need to come together and support each other and reach out to newbies and talk to them about safety, protocol and how this all really work before we are inundated with movie viewers that want to beat their girlfriend or boyfriends and make sure no harm comes to them.

We are no longer hidden in a closet and are wide open for the world to see as the world will be looking at in a microscope and watching. How to deal with this simple. Embrace this as it’s going to happen and reach out to new comers and remember we were all newbies once long ago….

We survived the Story of O and the Secretary and we will survived Fifty Shades of Grey and we will more and more movies and TV series being creative that highlights our life choice. I try to look at the positive side of it we no longer have to hide in the closet and we are now of a less taboo and more expected in the vanilla world.

The humanizing of BDSM started with the fashion industry, then Goth Clubs, books and now movies. As I have coined the phrase at Dom Con a few years ago to a group of 8 vanilla people when they asked what was Dom Con about. I looked in the gentleman’s eyes and said ” There is not a street in United States that someone is not being tied to a bed, blindfolded and spanked, we are not much different that then the vanilla world”. He got it and smiled and understood as it hit a core with him.

We still have to live in the vanilla world and still have to have common sense when we are out in the vanilla world. As we sit in the movie theater and watch Fifty Shades of Grey and they get some of the things wrong we will shake in our boots but how long did it take us to get it right? This is just the beginning as our community was up in arms about the Goth Clubs when they started and it did change the way we looked at BDSM. This movie will do the same so pull up your boot strings and support your local community and make a difference.
Walk in peace everyone and find joy in this life as you never know what tomorrow will bring.

Rev Mel
TSRnetwork.com
BDSM TV Live

Where is the community going?

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I am one that has seen a huge change in our community over the last 20 years and some of it good and some is not. After teaching over 9 or 10 thousands of people that come to my class at the Lair de Sade over 12 years has taught me so much. Life is a con stance change and more and more people are coming into our life choice every day. We are no longer hidden in the closet and we are wide open for all to see.

I welcome this and can’t say that yesterday was better than today as we have to grow as a community and as we begin to think out of the box. The only thing that I see what is happening is that we have lost a lot of compassion for others. That will happen when you so many new people coming into a life choice without really understanding what the people in the past did to lay down the path for today’s community.
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We have changed as a community because our community has crossed countless boarders because of the internet and we have the ability to right out to millions of likeminded folks. Our way of life has change and I embrace this change as we can only grow from it. The past has gotten us to today and for now all we can do is educate all that are coming in and embrace them with love and understanding. Life is always in a motion of change without the change we would be sleeping in caves.

As, I have coined this phase many years ago at Dom Con as a group of vanilla people sat across our table with questions on their faces. I walked up to the table and said “I think you have lots of questions”? One of the gentleman at table said “Yes, what is going here?” I replied to him “There is not a street that someone is not being tied to a bed, blindfolded and spank as we are not different then yourself. The looked into his eyes as he smiled and it forever changed my life. We all started vanilla and we all made a choice to join this community of likeminded people. We all have made mistakes as we continue our BDSM path and the lessons that we have learned is priceless.
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I, for one love the way our community has grown as I now have friends all over the world as we share with each other our love and understanding. Every community has to evolve and move in the direction that will change all of forever. We must never forget the human factor in what we do and never forget kindness and know that all of us are learning valuable lessons about who we are. Yes, we are community but also individuals with our own way of looking life itself. We create our own path and control our own life as we make choices. We can choose to make a difference and follow the pack or we can choose to create our thoughts from a place of individuality and common sense. We were all born and will all die someday but it what you do here while you are breathing matters. Go with the flow of change or hold on to the past is a personal choice. I welcome all the new people that find this life choice something that might bring a sparkly to their daily life.
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Our past was not scary it a learning curve and an education and created a path towards today. Change is not a bad thing and it can scary but it is necessary to build a stronger community. No one is ruining the scene is just evolving into something different and it will be interesting to see where this path takes us.
I just sit back and watch it as it evolves on to the next stage of growth much like a baby as it moves from baby to toddler to teenagers and to an adult. I have high hopes for our next generations that will replace us as we have so many wonderful educators that reacheding out to so some many. We are one in all of this and feel that we must be there and support our community in a positive way and never forget the past but to move on to expect change. Change is a good thing and I embrace it and I still have my memories of the past and smile at the thoughts of those memories. The past is the past, I live in today and do think about tomorrow but tomorrow will happen and I’m looking forward to see what it will bring.
Rev Mel

True Authentic and Transparent Self

Mel_2014True Authentic and Transparent Self

 To truly know our self, we must “understand who we are, how we want to be perceived, as well as what we aspire to be~ Sindell & Sindell, 2014~

Audio Only

How does one give permission to their true authentic and transparent self? Where do we begin? We talk about being truly authentic and transparent but how many just mouths the words?

Every day we take this journey into our own lives and learn something new as we interact with love one’s, friends and strangers at each crossing.  With being in both worlds one vanilla and the other world of BDSM how do we stay authentic and transparent to ourselves and others?

Transparency reveals the character of a person and when you show Transparency it lets others know that you are a person of integrity and you honor yourself. Being authentic and transparent is a relationship with oneself and allowing others to see your true self.  The key to ones self is, transparency, authenticity and accountability as we walk in both worlds of BDSM and Non-BDSM world. We must not also forget the part of us called our soul as walk on the path of true authentic and transparent self.

Please listen to the audio recorded on my thoughts about being authentic and transparent.

Rev Mel

Go to: [http://TSRnetwork.com/] or click on following links

http://tinyurl.com/TSR-Watch-Live

http://tinyurl.com/TSR-Youtube

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Pop Up Chatroom,

http://tinyurl.com/TSR-ChatRoom

We are the Real 50 Shades of Grey….
#bdsm
#tsrnetwork.com
#fetish
#talkingsexradio.com
#therevmelshow
#fiftyshadesofgrey

Shows Produced by M.A.P. Productions and TSRnetwork Studio
This was recorded on my IPHONE.