So it Begins The Hollywood Reporter “Student Charged With Sexual Assault Says He Was Re-enacting ‘Fifty Shades of Grey”

 Courtesy of Cook County Sheriff

Courtesy of Cook County Sheriff

The University of Illinois at Chicago student allegedly beat his victim with a belt while sexually assaulting her.

We will see more and more of this sort of press and actions. The book and movie is out there and now we must work on education and keeping our life choice safe. Leaders in your community must work together in educating people that coming into the life style. Sorry to say we will see more this in the up coming year from this book and the movie.

hollywood reporter

Excerpt from the Story:

A 19-year-old University of Illinois at Chicago freshman was arrested on Saturday, charged with one count of aggravated criminal sexual assault. He allegedly told police that he and the 19-year-old woman he was with were re-enacting Fifty Shades of Grey scenes.

Hossain allegedly proceeded to cover her eyes with a knit cap, remove the rest of her clothing and hit her with both a belt and his fists. When the woman told him to stop, started crying and began to wiggle her arms free, Karr said Hossain held her arms back and sexually assaulted her. Prosecutors said when Hossain’s roommate came home following the incident, Hossain held the door shut. Eventually, the woman left and called the police.

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Where are all the Fifty Shades of Grey Events? They have been here all the time.

thereal50-copyWhere are all the Fifty Shades of Grey Events? We have all been here well before the book or the movie. Countless people from all over the world have been living this life choice of Fifty Shades of Grey for thousands of years.

This is not going to change who we are or affect us in the long run. Fads fade out but the Real 50 Shades of people will never be just a fad.

I get so many people in my class S/m 101 Open Forum at The Lair de Sade that have read the book and are curious some will deiced that this is not for them and many will be our leaders of tomorrow. I support all the new people that keep our life choice going onto the future.

We are not a book a movie or adverting campaign we are real people that live breath this train of thought of BDSM and S/m and so much more.

Just like the Story of O, Exit to Eden, 9 1/2 Weeks and The Secretary it has not changed our life style and it might add a moment of excitement to our conversion but its not going to make us better or worst.

In a few months it will be Netflix, Amazon and Google Play and it will move into the past. it will be talked about about 20 years from now when someone do a fad timeline ..

So you want a Fifty Shades of Grey Event just go one of your local dungeons or munches and start really seeing what we are all about. Fifty Shades of Grey is just a book and a movie and nothing more. It does not represent who we are as a community or a life choice. We are who we are and nothing is going to change this.

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Kinky Spirituality

KINKY_REALKinky spirituality in my own opinion is a huge part of how we play and how we think. When a submissive goes into sup-space where do they go? Or a Dom in their Dom-space? To me spirituality is about energy exchange between the universe and myself. I’m not sure what is out there and not sure why strange things happen to me all the time. When I go to a play party it’s very soothing to my state of mind, body and soul.

The structure of BDSM has things that spiritual people live every day like honor, integrity, trust and kindness. When spirituality is added to this it changes the way we play and live.

You never know where the light will touch you and what I mean by the light is enlightenment. I have been in a dungeon with the music blaring and hot heated scenes going on around me and I felt the presents of spiritual beings. I have channeled a few of those being and could feel a vibration thought out my whole body as they talked to me.

Woo Woo or being in the moment can change your life and take you on a different road. You never know when spirituality will hit you and start showing up in your play and life.

My spirituality is like a long lost lover returning back to my bed as the we share an amazing sensual moment in time with each other. Many don’t believe in some of the dogma of spirituality and shy away from it but for people like me it is the place that grounds me to this life force.

What is wonderful is we all get to chose our life and our beliefs and still be involved in BDSM. We all don’t walk the same path and we all make different choices on how and what we believe. From the beginning of my life in BDSM spirituality has been a huge part of who I am. Without would be like losing a close loving friend.

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Fifty Shades of Dishes

Fifty Shades of Dishes The night is quiet and dark as thoughts run though my head. Off in a far room it waits and calls out to me. Are you going to come and do me? You do not want to make me wait. I know from the past what happens when I don’t obey and I wish never to feel the wrath of my dishes again. Holy Cow raced though my thoughts as I lay there with thoughts of long lean forks and spoons touching my wet hands. It sent shivers down my spine with memories of the how my dishes can control my every wish. Holy Geeeezzz!

When my dishes do not get their needs met they create a green slime that likes to give my hands a gooey feel and it is like when I see a spider and all I want to to do run. If I let it go to long the food get hard on the plates and my hands try to scrub it off but it’s always giving my hands a beating in the end. The smell over powers my senses and I sit in fear of what I’m going to find when I want in this strange room filled with stoves, refrigerator and pots an pans I don’t want to submit to my dishes but there is a need to please my dishes that I can’t understand. Holy Cow it has long knives.

I cry out I’m a Dominate and that i don’t switch but my dishes have power over me and will make me do what I wish not to do. They have no safe word and they do not give me after care. It just sits and waits for me and knows that I will break down and do it’s bidding.

The edge play that my dishes make me do is not what no sane dish could ever do to hands without harming them. Yes, as I feel the knife run across my fingers and the dishes make bubble sounds as the water turns red. This please my Master in the sink as blood play get their bubbles hot. Holy Geeez what have I become? But I moan with the thoughts of my dishes long forks brushing up against my flesh. It says it will hurt me or never harm me but alas it make face my limits at each moment.

I cry out red and it does not pay me any mind and keeps going in this sadistic manner. I yell out what about Safe, Sane and Consensual. My Master is into RACK and pays me no mind and will work me till each dish is cleaned in drying on the dish RACK. The long forks in the water take my breath away and I have no voice as I stand there at the sink and do what a good slave will do. Wait I’m not a slave I cry out and the water running out of the spout drowns out my voice. But. But I cry out and my dishes never stop taking me that place of subspace. OH My, Holy Cow I cry out. The pots and pans are endless as my hands are red from being over beaten.

My dishes know it’s all about them with their narcissistic personality disorder it waits and creates presser on me to surrender my will. I hear it calling from my dark room and I try to hid but in the end it will win. OH geeeez I’m helpless with these thoughts.

There is no warmth up in the shinny glasses basking in on the RACK because it’s all about their needs and not mine there will be no aftercare and their has been no contract made but it owns me. I am just a slave to my dishes and there is no way out. I

Wait…. Wait.. There is? Why did I not think of this? Yes, I must find a slave to fight with dark place that hides in my kitchen. There is light after all in the darkness. Holy Cow but long knives and forks and don’t forget about the spoons. Do they think that I will settle for a few moments with the spoons?

Written by Rev Mel on

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TSRnetwork 12 Years Anniversary Play Party Celebration.

1 - Copy

Sunday, March 08, 2015 · 6:00 PM – 12:00 AM
Lair De Sade
6628 Lankershim Boulevard @ map
Dress code: Fetish wear or all black

TSRnetwork 12 Years Anniversary Play Party Celebration.

Come and join us for a fun filled evening. This is a fundraiser for TSRnetwork to keep BDSM TV Live Free to all viewers. Join us for your Anniversary Celebration. If you have been a guest, host or have watched the live and recorded shows please come and show your support for Live Free BDSM TV.

**Doors Open at 6:00 PM PST
Party closes at midnight.**

**Your donation at the Door $15.00**
Buy Early Bird Special Here:

Can’t make the party but wish to show your support click on this link
**All of the proceeds will go to funding and Keeping Live BDSM TV Going for years to come.**

This is a potluck so bring something to share. is the Web’s first live Network that broadcast free live show about BDSM and the lifestyles. Based in Hollywood, CA, the interactive talk shows combines top movers and shakers in the BDSM community, live interactive chats and a live in-studio audience for a truly one of a kind viewing experience.
We are changing the world one Vanilla at a time.

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The Atlantic BDSM Versus the DSM


This is from a post on Fetlife by Susan Wright Have permission to re-post this.

BDSM Versus the DSM

The Atlantic recounts how NCSF, Race Bannon, Guy Baldwin, Charles Moser and Peggy Kleinplatz fought to make the APA acknowledge that BDSM is a healthy form of sexual expression!…

The Atlantic
by Merissa Nathan Gerson

Asking your partner to tie you to the bedpost, telling them to slap you hard in the throes of lovemaking, dressing like a woman if you are a man, admitting a fetish for feet: Just a few years ago, any of these acts could be used against you in family court.

This was the case until 2010, when the American Psychiatric Association announced that it would be changing the diagnostic codes for BDSM, fetishism, and transvestic fetishism (a variant of cross-dressing) in the next edition of its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), published in 2013. The new definitions marked a distinction between behavior—for example, playing rough—and actual pathology. Consenting adults were no longer deemed mentally ill for choosing sexual behavior outside the mainstream.

The change was the result of a massive effort from the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF), an advocacy group founded in 1997 “to advance the rights of and advocate for consenting adults in the BDSM-Leather-Fetish, Swing, and Polyamory Communities.” At the time, these types of sexual behavior, by virtue of their inclusion in the DSM, were considered markers of mental illness—and, as a result, were heavily stigmatized, often with legal repercussions. In family court, an interest in BDSM was used as justification to remove people’s children from their custody.

“A sexual sadist practices on non-consenting people,” explains NCSF founder Susan Wright, while “someone who is kinky is having consensual enthusiastically desired sex.” The problem with the earlier DSM: It didn’t draw a distinction between the two. A 1998 survey from the NCSF found that “36 percent of S&M practitioners have been victims of harassment, and 30 percent have been victims of discrimination.” As a result, the organization’s website says, “24 percent [have lost] a job or a contract, 17 percent [have lost] a promotion, and 3 percent [have lost] custody of a child.”

“We were seeing the DSM used as a weapon,” says Race Bannon, an NCSF Board Member and the creator of Kink-Aware Professionals, a roster of safe and non-judgmental healthcare professionals for the BDSM and kink community. (The list is now maintained by the NCSF.) “Fifty Shades [of Grey] had not come along,” says Bannon, an early activist in the campaign to change the DSM. “[Kink] was still this dark and secret thing people did.”

Since its first edition was published in 1952, the DSM has often posed a problem for anyone whose sexual preferences fell outside the mainstream. Homosexuality, for example, was considered a mental illness—a “sociopathic personality disturbance”—until the APA changed the language in 1973. More broadly, the DSM section on paraphilias (a blanket term for any kind of unusual sexual interest), then termed “sexual deviations,” attempted to codify all sexual preferences considered harmful to the self or others—a line that, as one can imagine, is tricky in the BDSM community.

The effort to de-classify kink as a psychiatric disorder began in 1980s Los Angeles with Bannon and his then-partner, Guy Baldwin, a therapist who worked mostly with the gay and alternative sexualities communities. Bannon, a self-described “community organizer, activist, writer, and advocate” moved to Los Angeles in 1980 and soon became close with Baldwin through their mutual involvement as open participants in and advocates for the kink community. “I’m fairly confident that I was the first licensed mental-health practitioner anywhere who was out about being a practicing sadomasochist,” Baldwin says.

The pair was spurred to action after the 1987 edition of the DSM-III-R, which introduced the concept of paraphilias, changed the classifications for BDSM and kink from “sexual deviation” to actual disorders defined by two diagnostic criteria. To be considered a mental illness, the first qualification was: ‘‘Over a period of at least six months, recurrent, intense sexual urges and sexually arousing fantasies involving the act (real, not simulated) of being humiliated, beaten, bound, or otherwise made to suffer.’’ The second: ‘‘The person has acted on these urges, or is markedly distressed by them.’’

“1987 was a bad shift,” Wright recalls. “Anyone who was [voluntarily] humiliated, beaten, bound, or any other alternate sexual expression was considered mentally ill.”

With the new language, Baldwin says, he quickly realized that laws regarding alternative sexual behavior would continue to be problematic “as long as the psychiatric community defines these behaviors as pathological.”

“I knew there were therapists around the world diagnosing practicing consensual sadomasochists with mental illness,” he says.

At the time that the new DSM was published, Baldwin and Bannon were planning to attend the 1987 march on Washington, D.C., in support of gay rights; after the new criteria came out, they decided to host a panel discussion for mental-health professionals in the State Department auditorium, where they announced the launch of what would come to be known as “The DSM Revision Project.”

“We asked how many people in the room were mental-health professionals,” Baldwin says, and “two-thirds of the people in the room raised their hands. And we said, ‘The way this needs to happen is, licensed medical practitioners need to write the DSM committee that reviews the language of the DSM concerned with paraphilias.’”

Around 40 or 50 people left the session with the information needed to write the letters. “We did not know exactly what would result,” Bannon recalls. “We did not think we would see dramatic changes suddenly.”

They didn’t—but the changes they did see were positive. The next edition of the DSM, published in 1994, added that to be considered part of a mental illness, “fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors” must “cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.”

“This was a definite improvement from the DSM-III-R,” says Wright, who later took over leadership of the DSM Revision Project from Bannon and Baldwin.

“These criteria gave [health professionals] wiggle room to say, ‘They have issues, but it is not about their kink. For the vast majority, it is just the way they have sex,’” Bannon explains. “Rather than saying, ‘Because you are into this method of sexuality, you are sick,’ [they could say], ‘Pathologically, if this impacts your life negatively, then you have a problem.’”

But the new language in the 1994 DSM also allowed for wiggle room of a different kind: The threshold of “significant distress” was often loosely interpreted, with the social stigma of kink, rather than kink itself, causing the negative impact on people’s lives. Workplace discrimination and violence were on the rise, according to a 2008 NCSF survey, and people were still being declared unfit parents as a result of their sexual preferences: Eighty of the 100 people who turned to the NCSF for legal assistance in custody battles from 1997-2010 lost their cases.

A few years after the 1994 DSM was published, Wright decided it was time to fight for another revision. When she founded the organization in 1997, the NCSF’s goal was a change to the APA’s diagnostic codes that separated the behavior (e.g., “he likes to restrict his breathing during sex”) from the diagnosis (e.g., “his desire to restrict his breath means that he must be mentally ill”). The next DSM, the group argued, should split the paraphilias from the paraphilic disorders, so that simply enjoying consensual BDSM would not be considered indicative of an illness.

Their efforts were largely ignored by the APA until early 2009, when Wright attended a panel discussion at New York City’s Philosophy Center on why people practice BDSM. Among the panelists was psychiatrist Richard Krueger, whose expertise included the diagnosis and treatment of paraphilias and sexual disorders.

During the meeting, Wright says, “I brought up the point that the DSM manual caused harm to BDSM people because it perpetuated the stigma that we were mentally ill. [Krueger] heard me and said that was not what they intended with the DSM.” Krueger, it turned out, was on the APA’s paraphilias committee, and following the meeting opened up an email dialogue between Wright and the other committee members, in which Wright provided documentation about the violence and discrimination kinky people experienced. “I credited that to the DSM,” she says. “Courts used it. Therapists used it. And it was being misinterpreted.”

Over the next year, “I sent him information, he gave it to the group, they asked questions, and I responded. It was very productive,” Wright recalls. “We [the NCSF] felt we were heard, we were listened to—and they took [our arguments] into account when they changed the wording” of the DSM in 2010.

Another major factor in the NCSF’s favor was a paper, co-written by sexual-medicine physician Charles Moser and sexologist Peggy J. Kleinplatz and published in 2006 in the Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality, titled “DSM IV-TR and the Paraphilias: An Argument for Removal.” According to Wright, the paper, which “summed up opinions of mental-health professionals who thought you shouldn’t include sexual activity in the DSM,” played a significant role in the paraphilia committee’s eventual shift in language.

In February 2010 the proposed change was made public—clarifying, Wright says, that “the mental illness [depends on] how it is expressed, not the behavior itself.” The new guidelines drew a clear difference, in other words, between people expressing a healthy range of human sexuality (for example, a couple that likes to experiment, consensually, with whips, chains, and dungeons) and sadists who wish others genuine harm (for example, tying and whipping someone in a basement without their consent).

The DSM-5 was released in May 2013, its contents marking a victory for the NCSF, Bannon, and Baldwin. The final language states: “A paraphilia is a necessary but not a sufficient condition for having a paraphilic disorder, and a paraphilia by itself does not necessarily justify or require clinical intervention.”

“Now we are seeing a sharp drop in people having their children removed from their custody,” Wright explains. Since the change, according to the NCSF, less than 10 percent of people who sought the organization’s help in custody cases have had their children removed, and the number of discrimination cases has dropped from more than 600 in 2002 to 500 in 2010 to around 200 over the last year.

“The APA basically came out and said, ‘These people are mentally healthy,’” Wright says. “‘It’s had a direct impact on society.”

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A mental mind fuck can be nice

“A mental mind fuck can be nice…” ~Frank N. Furter1

A few months ago I was asked to explain the “mind fuck.” This is what I said…

So mind fucks…. The examples below are NOT without negotiations.

Now this can be as simple as calling people on their shit or when appropriate using the truth against someone.

An example would be applying this concept to discipline: I might ask a sub to complete a task or cease unwanted behavior. In negotiations I will ask for them to create their consequences or ask what if questions to find what will really get to them.

Any infraction procures a reminder of these consequences, “What was it you said I could do to you if you fucked up?” And here’s the Kicker: I might make them *beg* for the privilege of my giving them this consequence. “Please Mommy, spank me, I’ve been a bad boy” (or whatever they are into)

Sometimes it’s part of the negotiations:

I already knew one of my play partners had an extreme distaste for a-symmetrical rope. During this play session’s negotiations, she approved the mind fuck. So after I had already tied down wrists and ankles to a chair, I grabbed my 10 foot rope (I use to practice knots) and tied down one thigh, saying I wanted her legs spread open more. “Oh, but look there’s not enough rope for the other thigh. I guess you’ll have to be lopsided…. 0h well, sux to be you.”

Sometimes it’s about knowing the boundaries and how to push them:

I was re-organizing my toy bag at my girl friend’s house and she picks up the huge purple dildo off the bed and says, “This one scares me!” So I make her carry it around the house for the rest of the day, “to make friends with it.” That night I made her beg me to fuck her with it.

Sometimes things just happen on the fly:

Newbie sub I brought to his 2nd or 3rd play party ever (never even been naked in public before)…. accidently dropped a cane into the pool. Looking @ me with those, “Oh shit,” puppy dog eyes, he asked me, “I guess I have to go get that? But I didn’t bring a swim suit?” Typical Thizbee answer again: “I guess it sux to be you.”
I have to say watching him undress in front of 20 strangers = Priceless!

So then he wasn’t allowed to redress after (except for you know, rope).

Anyways…. you get the idea…

I think it helps that I’m a smart ass. And that my bullshit detector is cranked up to eleven.

Other tactics in my mind fuck arsenal? I’ve perfected the whispery demon voice in your ear and I negotiate like a mother-fucker! I’ve also figured out how to balance having kind words in my mouth and meanness in my hands…. But the real trick to the mind fuck is being a good listener.

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Service To The Community

PrintWe recently recorded a round table for The People of Kink in which we talked about service to our community and what it meant to us all. It has really gotten me thinking about this and coming to the conclusion that it is very important to me. There was a time in this lifestyle that I didn’t do anything extra or help anyone. I figured there wasn’t any need as there were people already doing the work. All I wanted to do was to attend the events and have a good time. There is nothing wrong with what I was doing but that changed when I started to form opinions about the things that were going on. I quickly realized that I had no right to complain or criticize these people or their events. If you look up the meaning of criticize: to express disapproval of (someone or something) : to talk about the problems or faults of (someone or something) : to look at and make judgments about (something, such as a piece of writing or a work of art) it really doesn’t have much of a positive meaning to it. How could I judge these people without at least helping or seeing what it was like to walk in their shoes?

It didn’t take me long to understand that I had been pretty selfish and that needed to change. I began volunteering to help set up at events to see what it was like. Setting up a play party is a lot of work and within minutes of being in the thick of it I realized that these people were working their butts off for nothing more than the fact that they wanted to help. I had walked into this party many times and had a great time and never thought about the hard work that it took to even get the venue ready. There is equipment to move around and existing things at the venue to move. Lighting had to go up and garbage pails put out. Signage had to go up. The list went on and on. Being in the middle of this began to shift my thinking on events and the people that put them on.

I am not writing this to prop myself up. I am writing this to say that I love my community and above all else I love serving my community. Every year about this time I take a look at my life and what I am doing. I think it’s a very healthy thing to do. I take stock of what’s important and what I would like to focus on. Right now and for the foreseeable future it’s service to my community that drives my life. I don’t do the things that I do for glory or to be called a “Pillar of my community” In fact I don’t think we need “Pillars” or “Community Leaders”. What we need is to care about our community and the other people that are in. We can all effect change and help out if we choose to. It is a choice for everyone. I’m not even saying someone is a bad person for not doing service in their community. Everyone is entitled to do as they please. I would just encourage them look around and know that their help is needed and appreciated.

I looked around the room yesterday while we were doing the round table and I realized that these people were my choosen family. They all did service for the community in one way or another. In fact they all went above and beyond what was ever expected of them. Whenever I ask them for help it’s always a “Yes”. They show up and work their butts off and never ask for anything in return. This family has become my staff for TPOK parties. The parties are as good as they are because they truly care. They show up and work for every party and do what needs to get done. Our community is better because of them and I am proud to call them my staff, my friends and my chosen family.

So as I ask myself “Are you doing enough?”. I ask you all the same question. What can you do to help? Is there a party out there that needs DM’s? Is someone having a house party and needs help setting up? Can you greet people at a munch? There are so many things that you can do. If there is a need, can you fill it? Can you be unselfish and giving and know that You are doing something good and needed.

On the other hand can you appreciate the people that are doing the work? Can you walk in their shoes for a day, a week, a month? I encourage you to try. Ask questions, be helpful. Instead of causing drama or whispering things in other people’s ears try and remember that these people are doing the best. If you think it’s broke…offer to help. If you want to see it become better then help to make it better. I encourage you to get off the sidelines and into the game. Find the joy that can be had from helping your community and making it better for the next person. Don’t do it for the glory because the glory does not exist. Do it because its the right thing to do.

We always have a choice in our lives. Long ago a chose to go down the path of service. You don’t have to do as much as the person beside you or even more than them. Just choose to do something. At the very least open your mind to possibility of service in the future. Most of all when you see someone helping your community remember to say Thank You. Remember to have compassion when it goes wrong. Be willing to be the solution instead of the road block.

This is YOUR community. Help or hinder. It’s completely up to You.

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Happy New Year’s from

happy new year 2015I wish to say thank you to Miss Cassie and Genesis for being amazing hosts on their shows on

Thank you to all the chat viewers that come in the chat and join the conversation on the live shows. You make our job easier as Host as we get to ask the questions of our guests that you wish to hear.

To all the Guests of each show Thank You for taking the time to come to the studio or to web cam with us each week. You all have been amazing guest though-out 2014.

All the people that could not tune into the Live shows because of your busy life’s but went into the archives and watch the recorded shows. Thank you for taking the time to go onto and watch the shows that you missed.Because of you, you has increased our viewing numbers over 800,000 views when added together all the different places that we broadcast on.

Viewing the analytic s of the shows from February 2014 to now we have had over 300 thousand people tune into and watch the live and recorded shows on Youtube and On Google the numbers are 580,233 views from the two profiles that we broadcast the shows on.

My hats goes out to Miss Cassie for her show Naughty or Nice with Miss Cassie Special Guest: Sybian Master that has had over 21,000 views. The show streamed live on Aug 19, 2014 and has had so many views in such a short time.

2015 we hope to move past over a million or more people viewing the live shows or the recorded shows. We hope to add more shows to the network and touch more people both BDSM member’s and the vanilla world. Here is a letter from a viewer.

Dear Rev Mel,

I was told by a friend about your show and have always wanted to be spanked. My husband could not understand why I need this and would make fun of me. After finding your show and TSRnetwork I got my husband to watch the shows on Youtube. It has changed my life and his. He is a natural Dom and I’m now collared by my husband.

We could never come out to our friends and family about what we do but it is wonderful having a place where we can go and learn about BDSM and not feel like such a freak. I, now feel normal and found a safe place where I can share with husband all of my desires.

Thank you,

Kathy ——-

I get these letters all the time and this is what make doing all of this so amazing as we at TSRnetwork reach out into the vanilla world and change them one day at a time.

We have lost so many friends of TSRnetwork and when we launched the show back in February we dearly missed our friend Robert who passed away while the shows are down the year before. Robert you are missed and each show I think of you and wish you were here to share this with us.

This year we lost River Butch not only a fan of TSRnetwork but a friend as she supported us during hard times and laugh with us at some of those special mommets on the life show. I will miss her loving emails and phone calls, you were always a hero to me. River Butch and Robert you both are in our hearts and thoughts and will never be forgotten we love you.

In 2015 we will continue to broadcast free live BDSM TV and make this a place where education and safety comes first and change the world on how they view our BDSM Live Choice and community.

Like I say “There is not a street in United States that someone is not being tied to a bed, blindfolded and spank we are not that much different then our vanilla friends and family.

To our community I salute you and have a wonderful New Year’s and may 2015 be an amazing year for all.

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Reflections 2014 An Open Letter…..

happy new year 2015How can one express in an open letter about the lessons that one have learned from this past year? To be honest with oneself and to freely open up your private thoughts with friends and strangers. Taking that end of the year look at how your life seem to go within your eyes. But how did others see you? We have this vision in our mind of what we think we did and if we made a difference.

It’s only one point of view and that point of view is clouded within our minds and is it all real? We ask ourselves at the end of a year where did this year go as we look forward to the next year. So reflecting on my life of this past year is something that I have mixed emotions about.

One thing that resonates within my mind is, “ what is this life we choose?” There is a lot of chatter that runs wild within my thoughts as I look to why I do things and what is importance to my life. My life what is it really? The lessons of this year has humbled me to a place of peace for the first time in my life. The need to fit in or be liked is no longer in my frame of thoughts. My voice is strong and I don’t sensor the tone of my voice or my speech.

I have seen so many changes in the BDSM life choice within this year. I have lost dear, dear friends and have met some amazing new friends as the days mingle in this dream like movie of change and lost. To set free old ways and to let go of what my thoughts of friendship was like pulling a child away from their mothers milk. A calmness has surrounded me with a sense of nothingness. Truly to be lost in only creativity without a end has been what my year has been like.

Looking at the bright eyes of all the new people coming into this life choice I remember when I was new with excitement as I embraced this life choice. Often, I talk about that new fresh faces will be the leaders of tomorrow and some day I will be the thing of the past. I embrace this with hope and love and let go as I know these young new people are our future and I give them willing my support and love.

As you grow older you look at life in a different way and the blinders are off and see really what is before you as you let go of false illusions of what is and what will be. I have come to realize that BDSM is only a small part of who I am. My mind is filled with memories and compassion of others and for myself. To see yourself in a different perspective and to really look at self is not an easy process. To rip off the core of who you thought you were and really look into the mirror and look at your eyes looking back. You see the aging that lined your face and the aches that you feel when you first stand up. You embrace it and hold on to it with understanding for the first time in your life. I am who I am and that is just they way it is. Nothing more and nothing less it’s not how we see our self but if we made a difference in the world and the people that we have touched.

This year I lay naked for all to see but most of all for myself to see as I have come to the revelation that the only thing that matters is self love at any age and to find peace within one’s self. As I age the youth in my body is no longer my driving force but my mind is bright and my thoughts are strong. As I look at this past year. I no longer have the need to move mountains and prove who I am as that is a forever losing battle that many taken. I too have taken that road but this year has been a clarity of the need to no longer worry about things that are out of my control. I no longer carry anyone else thoughts or judgment on my shoulders. None of this matters anymore but what I have found to replace negative actions and thoughts is to stay on the positive side of life. No more time for petty game or head trips that want to mingle with my mind and soul. Vision of what is really going on matters more to me as this year was like a being liberated of past needs and wants.

The need to prove one’s self no longer is a part of my being or to be out every weekend just to be seen. I have taken time to heal my spirit and soul but most of my mind. Seeing people for who they are has been quite an enlightenment experience this year as the blinder are off. I find that being alone with creativity is more comfort then to be out and about. The need to be the center of the universe or the life of the party is like a prison to me as I sit quietly back and watch others take up that role. I now understand this and know that it will happen one day with me as I grow older. We all make our mark and change this life choice for the next generation that is coming up in the ranks. This is how life is as you get to place you don’t have anything to prove and you’re at peace with it. It is what it is and that is really what life is all about.

For the younger generation I say to you, Play more, have more fun and really take a look at why you here both in the BDSM world and the vanilla world as both are importance. Don’t forget kindness and compassion and remember that everyone of us walked in your foot steps. Find that place inside your mind and soul where you can truly be that person that make a difference. It does not matter how well you throw a flogger or how many slaves you have. What matters is how you treat others and that your word is your bond. Be real as you are dealing with real people with hearts and souls not just someone to do your bidding. Kindness and compassion should be one the number one action within yourself. Don’t feed the ego, feed the heart and soul as you think about next year and where you wish to be and what you wish to create. Make a difference in our BDSM World walk with honor and integrity and don’t just mouth the words but follow it up with actions. Give back and don’t worry if others will give back to you because in this big picture of life none of this matters. What matters is finding peace within your soul. Peace will set you free.

For me I look forward to 2015 and embrace it with a new perspective on where I need to go. I learned how to honest with myself and others and that I can not make anyone into something that they are not. I learned friendship and help friends are rewarding but you must first make sure that you healthy within your own mind. Like on the airplane where they tell parents you must first put on your life raft. It’s the same thing with friends.

When I first moved into apartment I was not healthy from a past experience and took care of a friend that I loved and adored. I was in no shape to take care of someone else and I should have been taking care of myself and heal from a past hurt. I was hurting inside from years of feeling lost and depressed.

The more I helped her the sadder I got as I really was not taking care of my needs. She came first so many times as she was hurting and I nursed her back to the real world and forgot about nursing myself. For six months it was about her pain and how she felt and she did not see the pain that I was in during that time. I did not use my voice with her and I should have. Looking back I know that I could not give her what she need as I had nothing left in me to give as far as our friendship. I was filled up with such sadness that nothing or no one could get through the walls of sadness and pain. The more she gave me as a friend the more I shut down and sadness would over take me. I just need to be alone and take my time to work this all out. For over 3 years I was never alone and I need that private space in order to heal my broken soul.

Her and I have parted ways from a misunderstanding but really I had nothing to give her because I was a shell of my past self. I did try to explain it to her but she was so badly hurt she could not see or hear me. Wish her a wonderful life and hope it filled with love and respect and she is missed.

I learned that I must take care of my self first and to really use my voice in order to get me that healthy place.. When asked these days to mentor or protect someone I have to pass on it because though the last few years I have lost so much and I must become healthy once again. I stay alone a lot these days because I am healing and I’m trying to bring myself to a different place in my life. A place where kindness matters and I can only give to myself that kindness that I use to give others as I have nothing more to give. I have now spent some alone time and have done a lot of healing one’s soul and I’m strong and more clear on this present moment in time. I filled with love to one’s self and for others as now I have more to give back,.but more of giving back is on the side lines and not all of me any more. I think I have taken 2014 and cleaned away some of the walls that I had built up.

What will 2015 bring who knows as I’m open to anything at this moment in time. In fact I welcome it and welcome new and old friends into my life. I now have a huge part of me that now give back once again, I am now whole again. I walk with truth and self worth with a strong but loving voice. So if you see me out and about in 2015 just know that I’m happy and safe and working on myself.

I don’t make New Years resolutions as I never were able to keep it so the only resolutions I make is to be open to what live brings and work on staying positive and healthy in spirit and my mind. To embrace my faults and weakness and not to worry as much. I believe in a higher power has brought me so much peace and it is my road that I must travel and respect that others need to find their own way to peace.

My advice is find the right path that rings true to you and believe that you can move mountains and change this world on a positive note. Take time for your family, vanilla life and your BDSM life and find the balance that resonates with your soul and mind. Do not allow drama into your being and most of all be kind to others and really listen to someone in need. Give back behind the scenes and do this because of the need to make this life choice a better place. If you see someone in pain reach out and show that you care. Don’t talk about people behind their back in a negative way.

Many people are smiling at a play party and go home and shut there door and fight with their depressions or fears. Reach out more and show kindness to others. From someone that knows that dark space know that someone will not reach out if they are in that very dark place and we miss our chance to help them out. In 2014 I have seen so many people in pain and posting and we need to reach out to people in pain and let them know they are loved. We have to be like hidden quiet angels and touch others with kindness.

I have learned a lot in 2014 and I’m at peace with all that I learned and my wish is that may 2015 be an amazing year for all and walk in peace, love and joy,

Rev Mel


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