Inside Fetish with Genesis Guest will be Sir Valentino topic Clarity, Service and Education

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We are the Real 50 Shades of Grey

Tuesday March 25 at 7:30 PM PST

Sir Valentino’s core household and lifestyle values are Charity, Service and Education. These things are extremely important. But Sir Valentino also has a love for food, so this year he will be incorporating food into every class he teaches; starting with his grilled cheese and spanking class next Wednesday. Also Sir Valentino thinks its entertaining but weird to refer to himself in the third person. Thank you boardwalk empire. Now for some of the stuff Sir Valentino has done in the past few years and through his first title year:

Sir Valentino is your Southern California Leather Master 2013 and your SouthWest Leather Master 2014
~Presenter at Dom Con LA 2010, 2011, 2012 & 2013
~Presenter at BOLD 2014
~Presenter at Olympus Leather 2012
~Performer at Sanctuary LAX Studios (Los Angeles, CA)
~Performed at 2014 AVN Awards
~Presenter at TGIF’s Sunday School (Fresno, CA)
~Presenter at the Annual TGIF Ball (Fresno, CA)
~Educator at Sanctuary LAX Studios (Los Angeles, CA)
~Educator at Dungeon Servitus (San Diego, CA)
~Presenter at Behind Closed Doors 2013 (Tucson, AZ)
~Educator at Desert Dominion (Tuscon, AZ)
~Winner of the 2013 Olympus Leather Community Service Award
~Nominee for TSR Man of the Year 2011
~Taught at local dungeons in various cities including Bakersfield, Victorville, Baltimore, Virgina, Tuscon and Las Vegas, etc.
~Appeared on VH1’s “I’m Married To A…” Episode 104
This last year, Sir Valentino taught 24 classes, traveled more than 10,000 miles through eight states and raised eight and a half tons of food for charity.

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Shows Produced by M.A.P. Productions and TSRnetwork Studio

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Naughty or Nice with Miss Cassie Guest Bettie Bondage Tuesday 9 PM PST on TSRnetwork

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Naughty or Nice with Miss Cassie Live on TSRnetwork.com
Where to watch the show:

Go to: [http://TSRnetwork.com/] or click on following links

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Naughty or Nice with Miss Cassie
Airs live every Tuesday 9-10pm PST on TSR Network

This week her special guest will be Bettie Bondage.

Professional/Lifestyle Domme, BDSM performer and so much more.

Tune in to find out if Bettie is naughty or nice…

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Shows Produced by M.A.P. Productions and TSRnetwork Studio

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The Trap of the “Cliché” Sub

miss caddy compson The Trap of the “Cliché” Sub

I recently listened to a rant directed toward new female submissives.  All the clichés and pitfalls and traps and nonsense.  All the crap (and sometimes sheer stupidity) that comes with being a new sub.  Of course there are some who skirt all the madness (hoorah!) but it’s more common than uncommon.  The whole rant basically boiled down to new subs not knowing that their submission is a gift.  I don’t buy into the whole notion of submission (or domination) being a gift*, but his rant seriously struck a chord in me.

  • Believing a man is a Dom simply because he gives himself the title
  • Subs who fall in love with a Dom who doesn’t love them back
  • Doms who only see their subs during sexy time
  • Subs who are so eager to please that they don’t examine if this Dom is a good man
  • Doms who restrict a new sub’s communication with other knowledgeable people in the scene
  • Subs pushing too many limits that aren’t ready to be pushed just to be pleasing
  • Thinking that a Dom is a “Master” of a particular craft simply because he owns the toys
  • Being a popular new toy to too many people
  • Getting into a committed relationship (or slapping on a collar, ahem) before proper negotiations
  • Negotiations?  Huh?

The list goes on and on.  It made me think about my own transition into the kink community.  That rant about naïve subs was directly aimed at the new submissive that I once was.  My entire sex life had been immersed in D/s and polyamorous relationships, but all behind closed doors, all in private.  It wasn’t until my mid 20s that I actually came into the community.  I found myself poking around online, seeking and researching and a so-called Dom quickly found me.  Before I knew it, I was in a committed relationship with a man I barely knew, who was screening all my interactions with anyone else in the community.  He wanted orgasm control, which anyone who has gone through this process will tell you is a major deal, often with long lasting repercussions.  No one was allowed to talk to me. He had the passwords to all of my profiles and email.  I was completely isolated with (still) no basis of comparison as to how D/s worked outside the bedroom.  Although he demanded a lot of control in most aspects of my life, he didn’t see me much outside the bedroom.  But, oh, how I longed to please.  He would beat me black and blue knowing that I had diving and swim practice every morning.  Those kinds of marks are very conspicuous in bathing suits and locker rooms.  But I wanted to prove myself as a true sub.  I didn’t even stop to think that I had to make him prove himself a true Dom, too.  I didn’t know I was supposed to.  Within no time at all, he wanted to bring other girls into the dynamic.  I wasn’t on solid footing with him yet, but he wasn’t interested in that.  He wanted more girls.  After a single conversation about it where I voiced my hesitation, he ended it abruptly.  It was a devastating blow at the time.  I had given so much of myself to this person who didn’t give me respect in return.

A lot of people (men and women alike) find themselves in similar states.  I’ve heard that losing your first Dom is one of the hardest losses in the BDSM realm.  It completely turns some people off entirely to this deliciously exciting world.  After one bad experience, they believe this just isn’t for them (and maybe it’s not), but they have fallen into the new sub trap.  Unfortunately, all the great writing geared toward new subs and all the knowledgeable people in the community come along with experience.  (Sometimes too little too late.)

And, indeed, all of those things did come to me with more exposure and experience.  I found the classes and the people who had my best interests at heart.  In retrospect, it was a great thing for me.  Obviously he wasn’t the person for me and I learned a lot.  Fortunately for me, I learned that all of this is worth it for me and is what I am at the core.  The experience gave me an arsenal of what is unacceptable and it helped me develop my voice so that I could better express my expectations and boundaries.  I learned what it means to take care of myself and what it means to take care of my partner.  And now I have a lot of wisdom to pass on to new people who come eager for advice.  It’s empowering once everything kinda “clicks” into place.

Ironically, that particular “Dom” touted the whole “hurt but not harm” motto, even as he continued to prey on new and unsuspecting girls.  He hasn’t ever had a long-term relationship since I’ve known him.

Toxic people permeate…everywhere.  All of life is filled with people who don’t care about us, but that becomes even more pronounced in the dark recesses of an adult playground.  Unfortunately for many, they do not come prepared to play and fall into the common pitfalls and traps.  Looking back on our experiences, I’m sure many of us grimace at some of the choices we made early in our journey (hopefully grimacing less with better choices and as time moves on).  Some of us halted and exited the journey as a result, but for those of us still here, we gained priceless perspective, experience and knowledge, some of which can hopefully be used to the betterment of someone else’s expedition.  Unfortunately, though, no matter how many people we try to save, there will always be those who end up the new sub “cliché.”

 

As far as submission being a gift, I don’t believe that submission (or dominance) is a gift.  It’s a mutual, ongoing, ever-changing dynamic, dependant on each other.  “Gifting” submission and dominance is simplistic and does not take into account things like consent or negotiation.  Gift giving is sometimes one-sided and cannot be taken back.  Of course, we all know that’s not true.  For me, this isn’t a gift that I’m bestowing upon you.  This is essential to my being.  Gifts are superfluous.  My need to submit is not.  Your need to dominate is not.  This is who we are.  And this is what we do together to nourish our souls.  (There are a million different views about the “gift” of submission, but this is what resonates with me.)

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Honor,Integrity, Etiquette, Protocol and Respect

 

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I think that we have to have standards in our community and community accountably. It starts with mentor-ship and education. Thousands and thousands new people are coming into our life choice. Honor, Integrity, Etiquette, Protocol and Respect is what we claim to live by and now is a time to put those thoughts to action. We as a community would have nothing if we did not live by these standards.

You have to ask yourself when do we incorporate community accountably in to our world of BDSM. With the thousands and thousands of people that come into our community daily how do we begin to achieve and create a community with high morals and respect and most of all honor. In the BDSM world we are all new born babies and are learning how to walk, but with education and communication we can achieve this and make our community better and safer place.

Can you imagine if we all could band together how we could really change the world for the better? We are part of each other and we all can make this community stronger and more united on many levels. I do believe that we can make a change if we start teaching and practice basic common sense and really look at our actions in this community. Etiquette, Protocol and respect is there for us if we really wish our community to grow. We do have promise, I truly believe that… We can’t do it over night and make BDSM police but we can teach new ones and not so new ones that their word is their bond and to live by Etiquette, Protocol and respect but most of all integrity.

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