Getting comfortable with BDSM has made me more comfortable with myself. Even though it’s not always true, BDSM is supposed to be more open and inclusive of people. No matter who or what you are, you’re someone’s special kink. You’re someone’s tasty treat.
I’ve play privately; I’ve played publicly. And it’s all made me a better person. It’s made me settle into myself. Typical of any teenager, I didn’t always appreciate my body for what it was. I am, and have always been, petite. All of me is petite. The media tells me that I’m supposed to be skinny with big boobs. Like many, I’m a square peg in that round hole. I’m sure that with age comes a measure of comfort, but I think that BDSM has helped promote and expand that measure for me. Knowing that I’m exactly the kink that someone desires definitely helps that. I don’t want to be fetishized (or do I?); I don’t want to be reduced to simply being a kink for someone, but it does feel like I’m specifically sought exactly the way I am.
BDSM makes you examine yourself. You become very intimate with yourself in ways that maybe you didn’t have to be otherwise. I’ve been put on display for others. I’ve had others poke and prod me. I’ve been in compromising positions, doing compromising things. It all pushes your comfort zone. Sometimes it gets easier, but maybe it doesn’t. Regardless, you face your insecurities. All the guards you’ve built to protect yourself are tested and all the limitations you’ve put on yourself are pressed. Through exploration and play, you come to better understand yourself, your desires, your fears. All of a sudden you’re doing things you wouldn’t have imagined and enjoying things you thought would be impossible. The relationship that you have with your body evolves. Your views on yourself, on your body, change. Ideally for the better.
The media is so damaging to self image. You have to be skinny and toned, but not too muscular or you’ll look like a man. You have to have big boobs, but they always have to be perky and resistant to gravity. You have to have a voluptuous butt, but there shouldn’t be any dimples or cellulite. You have to wear makeup, but it has to be perfect and not overdone or you’ll look like a prostitute. You can’t be a prostitute because it’s morally reprehensible for women to take possession of their bodies that way. Dark skin is too dark; light skin is too light. You have to drop the baby weight immediately. You can’t have freckles. You can’t have body hair. You can’t sweat. You can’t have a zit. You can’t have wrinkles. You can’t have grey around the temples. You can’t have scars.
Mainstream media has told me vaginas smell like fish and aren’t any more appealing to look at. Blow jobs are mandatory for women to give, but sometimes going down on a girl is grounds for losing one’s “man card.” Cunnilingus should be avoided. Why would anyone want to learn how to please someone who smells and taste like day old fish? I’ve been taught that my body isn’t okay. More specifically that my pussy is gross. Kink has taught me otherwise. Actually, kink has only made what I have always felt okay for me to actually feel.
I actually like my pussy. I like the way it looks. More importantly, I like the way it smells. I mean, I really really like the way it smells. I’ve always liked the way it smells. What I’ve come to realize is that it’s okay for someone else to like my pussy and to like the way it smells. It’s okay that someone wants to really spend time there. Any acceptance of my pussy always felt like placation. It somehow seemed abnormal that I would actually like my own pussy and if I’m not allowed to like my own pussy how can anyone else? No one could possibly like that part of my body. That would be too much to ask of another person. How could I even expect that from someone, especially if I wasn’t immediately fresh from the shower? It doesn’t even serve anyone but me which makes it even more unappealing to someone else. Since fully embracing BDSM into my life, I’ve become more intimate with my body in ways that I would never have imagined, but I’ve let other people get more personal with my body in ways that I would have never guessed, too. It’s acceptable for my partner to enjoy my body as much as I do. BDSM is all about letting down guards and pushing boundaries, getting past your comfort zone and feelings things outside the norm. Of course, the norm SHOULD be sex and body positivity. But it’s not.
Still within the realm of good hygiene, someone recently made a comment to me that a pussy immediately out of the shower, at best, tastes like nothing and, at worst, tastes like soap or perfume. They said that the real appeal of a pussy was the smell of arousal. Pheromones are powerful and it’s okay for someone to be turned on by mine. And despite what I’ve been told my whole life, arousal doesn’t smell like fish. Arousal is intoxicating for me, as it should be, and can be so for my partner also. I can’t even fathom where the whole “fish” thing came from in the first place. Ridiculous.
In any case, I always felt like I was being told that I shouldn’t like the way my pussy smells. But I do. I secretly love the way it smells and I love it more the older I get. I’m gaining a deeper appreciation for the body, in general, but I’m in an environment where it’s actually okay to like the body. Outside BDSM, body shaming is the norm. Within the world of BDSM, it’s less acceptable. The world, vanilla and kink alike, have a long way to go before everyone can be comfortable in their own skin, but the BDSM realm is making grounds.
And my pussy is thankful for that.