The Trap of the “Cliché” Sub

miss caddy compson The Trap of the “Cliché” Sub

I recently listened to a rant directed toward new female submissives.  All the clichés and pitfalls and traps and nonsense.  All the crap (and sometimes sheer stupidity) that comes with being a new sub.  Of course there are some who skirt all the madness (hoorah!) but it’s more common than uncommon.  The whole rant basically boiled down to new subs not knowing that their submission is a gift.  I don’t buy into the whole notion of submission (or domination) being a gift*, but his rant seriously struck a chord in me.

  • Believing a man is a Dom simply because he gives himself the title
  • Subs who fall in love with a Dom who doesn’t love them back
  • Doms who only see their subs during sexy time
  • Subs who are so eager to please that they don’t examine if this Dom is a good man
  • Doms who restrict a new sub’s communication with other knowledgeable people in the scene
  • Subs pushing too many limits that aren’t ready to be pushed just to be pleasing
  • Thinking that a Dom is a “Master” of a particular craft simply because he owns the toys
  • Being a popular new toy to too many people
  • Getting into a committed relationship (or slapping on a collar, ahem) before proper negotiations
  • Negotiations?  Huh?

The list goes on and on.  It made me think about my own transition into the kink community.  That rant about naïve subs was directly aimed at the new submissive that I once was.  My entire sex life had been immersed in D/s and polyamorous relationships, but all behind closed doors, all in private.  It wasn’t until my mid 20s that I actually came into the community.  I found myself poking around online, seeking and researching and a so-called Dom quickly found me.  Before I knew it, I was in a committed relationship with a man I barely knew, who was screening all my interactions with anyone else in the community.  He wanted orgasm control, which anyone who has gone through this process will tell you is a major deal, often with long lasting repercussions.  No one was allowed to talk to me. He had the passwords to all of my profiles and email.  I was completely isolated with (still) no basis of comparison as to how D/s worked outside the bedroom.  Although he demanded a lot of control in most aspects of my life, he didn’t see me much outside the bedroom.  But, oh, how I longed to please.  He would beat me black and blue knowing that I had diving and swim practice every morning.  Those kinds of marks are very conspicuous in bathing suits and locker rooms.  But I wanted to prove myself as a true sub.  I didn’t even stop to think that I had to make him prove himself a true Dom, too.  I didn’t know I was supposed to.  Within no time at all, he wanted to bring other girls into the dynamic.  I wasn’t on solid footing with him yet, but he wasn’t interested in that.  He wanted more girls.  After a single conversation about it where I voiced my hesitation, he ended it abruptly.  It was a devastating blow at the time.  I had given so much of myself to this person who didn’t give me respect in return.

A lot of people (men and women alike) find themselves in similar states.  I’ve heard that losing your first Dom is one of the hardest losses in the BDSM realm.  It completely turns some people off entirely to this deliciously exciting world.  After one bad experience, they believe this just isn’t for them (and maybe it’s not), but they have fallen into the new sub trap.  Unfortunately, all the great writing geared toward new subs and all the knowledgeable people in the community come along with experience.  (Sometimes too little too late.)

And, indeed, all of those things did come to me with more exposure and experience.  I found the classes and the people who had my best interests at heart.  In retrospect, it was a great thing for me.  Obviously he wasn’t the person for me and I learned a lot.  Fortunately for me, I learned that all of this is worth it for me and is what I am at the core.  The experience gave me an arsenal of what is unacceptable and it helped me develop my voice so that I could better express my expectations and boundaries.  I learned what it means to take care of myself and what it means to take care of my partner.  And now I have a lot of wisdom to pass on to new people who come eager for advice.  It’s empowering once everything kinda “clicks” into place.

Ironically, that particular “Dom” touted the whole “hurt but not harm” motto, even as he continued to prey on new and unsuspecting girls.  He hasn’t ever had a long-term relationship since I’ve known him.

Toxic people permeate…everywhere.  All of life is filled with people who don’t care about us, but that becomes even more pronounced in the dark recesses of an adult playground.  Unfortunately for many, they do not come prepared to play and fall into the common pitfalls and traps.  Looking back on our experiences, I’m sure many of us grimace at some of the choices we made early in our journey (hopefully grimacing less with better choices and as time moves on).  Some of us halted and exited the journey as a result, but for those of us still here, we gained priceless perspective, experience and knowledge, some of which can hopefully be used to the betterment of someone else’s expedition.  Unfortunately, though, no matter how many people we try to save, there will always be those who end up the new sub “cliché.”

 

As far as submission being a gift, I don’t believe that submission (or dominance) is a gift.  It’s a mutual, ongoing, ever-changing dynamic, dependant on each other.  “Gifting” submission and dominance is simplistic and does not take into account things like consent or negotiation.  Gift giving is sometimes one-sided and cannot be taken back.  Of course, we all know that’s not true.  For me, this isn’t a gift that I’m bestowing upon you.  This is essential to my being.  Gifts are superfluous.  My need to submit is not.  Your need to dominate is not.  This is who we are.  And this is what we do together to nourish our souls.  (There are a million different views about the “gift” of submission, but this is what resonates with me.)

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Body Comfort by miss caddy compson

miss caddy compson Getting comfortable with BDSM has made me more comfortable with myself.  Even though it’s not always true, BDSM is supposed to be more open and inclusive of people.  No matter who or what you are, you’re someone’s special kink.  You’re someone’s tasty treat.

I’ve play privately; I’ve played publicly.  And it’s all made me a better person.  It’s made me settle into myself.  Typical of any teenager, I didn’t always appreciate my body for what it was.  I am, and have always been, petite.  All of me is petite.  The media tells me that I’m supposed to be skinny with big boobs.  Like many, I’m a square peg in that round hole.  I’m sure that with age comes a measure of comfort, but I think that BDSM has helped promote and expand that measure for me.  Knowing that I’m exactly the kink that someone desires definitely helps that.  I don’t want to be fetishized (or do I?); I don’t want to be reduced to simply being a kink for someone, but it does feel like I’m specifically sought exactly the way I am.

BDSM makes you examine yourself.  You become very intimate with yourself in ways that maybe you didn’t have to be otherwise.  I’ve been put on display for others.  I’ve had others poke and prod me.  I’ve been in compromising positions, doing compromising things.  It all pushes your comfort zone.  Sometimes it gets easier, but maybe it doesn’t.  Regardless, you face your insecurities.  All the guards you’ve built to protect yourself are tested and all the limitations you’ve put on yourself are pressed.  Through exploration and play, you come to better understand yourself, your desires, your fears.  All of a sudden you’re doing things you wouldn’t have imagined and enjoying things you thought would be impossible.  The relationship that you have with your body evolves.  Your views on yourself, on your body, change.  Ideally for the better.

The media is so damaging to self image.  You have to be skinny and toned, but not too muscular or you’ll look like a man.  You have to have big boobs, but they always have to be perky and resistant to gravity.  You have to have a voluptuous butt, but there shouldn’t be any dimples or cellulite.  You have to wear makeup, but it has to be perfect and not overdone or you’ll look like a prostitute.  You can’t be a prostitute because it’s morally reprehensible for women to take possession of their bodies that way.   Dark skin is too dark; light skin is too light.  You have to drop the baby weight immediately.  You can’t have freckles.  You can’t have body hair.  You can’t sweat.  You can’t have a zit.  You can’t have wrinkles.  You can’t have grey around the temples.  You can’t have scars.

Mainstream media has told me vaginas smell like fish and aren’t any more appealing to look at.  Blow jobs are mandatory for women to give, but sometimes going down on a girl is grounds for losing one’s “man card.”  Cunnilingus should be avoided.  Why would anyone want to learn how to please someone who smells and taste like day old fish?  I’ve been taught that my body isn’t okay.  More specifically that my pussy is gross.  Kink has taught me otherwise.  Actually, kink has only made what I have always felt okay for me to actually feel.

I actually like my pussy.  I like the way it looks.  More importantly, I like the way it smells.  I mean, I really really like the way it smells.  I’ve always liked the way it smells.  What I’ve come to realize is that it’s okay for someone else to like my pussy and to like the way it smells. It’s okay that someone wants to really spend time there.  Any acceptance of my pussy always felt like placation.  It somehow seemed abnormal that I would actually like my own pussy and if I’m not allowed to like my own pussy how can anyone else?  No one could possibly like that part of my body.  That would be too much to ask of another person.  How could I even expect that from someone, especially if I wasn’t immediately fresh from the shower?  It doesn’t even serve anyone but me which makes it even more unappealing to someone else.  Since fully embracing BDSM into my life, I’ve become more intimate with my body in ways that I would never have imagined, but I’ve let other people get more personal with my body in ways that I would have never guessed, too.  It’s acceptable for my partner to enjoy my body as much as I do.  BDSM is all about letting down guards and pushing boundaries, getting past your comfort zone and feelings things outside the norm.  Of course, the norm SHOULD be sex and body positivity.  But it’s not.

Still within the realm of good hygiene, someone recently made a comment to me that a pussy immediately out of the shower, at best, tastes like nothing and, at worst, tastes like soap or perfume.  They said that the real appeal of a pussy was the smell of arousal.  Pheromones are powerful and it’s okay for someone to be turned on by mine.  And despite what I’ve been told my whole life, arousal doesn’t smell like fish.  Arousal is intoxicating for me, as it should be, and can be so for my partner also.  I can’t even fathom where the whole “fish” thing came from in the first place.  Ridiculous.

In any case, I always felt like I was being told that I shouldn’t like the way my pussy smells.  But I do.  I secretly love the way it smells and I love it more the older I get.  I’m gaining a deeper appreciation for the body, in general, but I’m in an environment where it’s actually okay to like the body.  Outside BDSM, body shaming is the norm.  Within the world of BDSM, it’s less acceptable.  The world, vanilla and kink alike, have a long way to go before everyone can be comfortable in their own skin, but the BDSM realm is making grounds.

And my pussy is thankful for that.

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The “Velcro Collar”

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There are two ways that collars are viewed in the community: fashionably and symbolically (not always mutually exclusive). Oftentimes, people confuse the two. What results is a “Velcro collar” that literally and figuratively comes on and off easily and at whim.

Collars are a staple in the BDSM community. It is the submissive “badge” that is worn proudly. There are times when it may be the only thing that a submissive wears, at all. Wearing a collar is kinky as hell and there are as many types of collars as there are submissives who wear them. Leather, metal, rope, whatever’s kinkiest to the players. It can be a real thrill getting led around in private or even at a kinky event with your collar and leash. And what D-type wouldn’t want to be on the leading end of that leash? In their most elementary form, collars look good and are super sexy. They are versatile in their kink and fun factor and immediately give a Dominant or submissive tangible roles in their play.

However, as fun and kinky as collars are to give and to wear, they also hold a much more meaningful and significant purpose to the community. To many, they are as important, if not more important, than a wedding ring. They hold that much meaning. Indeed, a collared relationship is likened much to a marriage. To collar someone or to be collared to someone is a sign of deep commitment and love. It signifies a pledge of longevity and devotion. Among countless other attributes, a Dominant is assuring guidance and protection. A submissive is vowing loyalty and servitude. Together they promise themselves to each other. Only with much thought and consideration should a true collaring take place. It is with one mind that the Dominant and submissive come to the place of a collaring. A partnership. It’s the road that many D/s relationships hope to travel. It is more valuable than any fashion token. (At this point, a token may not even be needed at all.)

Unfortunately, in the haste to enjoy the kinky, fun, more fashionable side of collars, people collar others or accept collars that don’t carry much weight or have much significance. They don’t value it for its true purpose. They bounce from partner to partner essentially “trying on” collars. The collars go on and come off as though held on with Velcro. One week a sub is collared to one Dom, the next to someone different. A Dom has given a collar to a sub and in a blink of an eye taken it away again. A veritable collar yo-yo as it were.

This misuse of collars is becoming even more noticeable as the online community gains momentum. People can now list their relationship statuses. It’s made the collar a very popular status symbol. Once you slap a collar to it, everyone knows that you’re fucking or playing or even sometimes doing something as seemingly innocuous as just talking. It’s kinda cool that way. Now everyone knows that you’re connected to this person. If you’re in an online relationship, it gives your relationship more cred. BECAUSE people put real value to a collar, it does make a relationship seem more important and more “real” if it’s collared.

Sometimes, though, a relationship doesn’t need to be anything more than fucking or playing. Or talking online. Just as in the vanilla world where it’s frowned upon to bounce from marriage to marriage to marriage without any real thought or commitment, it’s not thought highly to dabble much in the BDSM world of Velcro collars, either. It’s awesome to use collars in a scene or for play, but delineating it as an indicator for the deeper, more significant level of commitment devalues its true worth. That’s how we end up with Velcro collars out there.

That’s not to say that a D/s relationship is infallible and that a collar is never taken or given back, but it does mean that a collar is more than just a fashion statement in the BDSM world. It means that there is a partnership full of dedication and allegiance. It means there’s deeper significance than a status symbol. And it also means that deliberation and contemplation have been given to arrive at the place of a collaring. What the relationship looks like in the particular D/s relationship is as varied as collars, but the universal value is essentially the same.

Of course, a collar is only as significant as the people who use them. And sometimes a person needs to go through a few Velcro collars to really find its true worth. Maybe they never find a deeper value for a collar and use it as a more disposable commodity. Not everyone puts the same weight on relationships. Or collars. Conversely, relationships can be just as valuable without the need for a collar, at all. Not everyone feels validated by a collar (nor should a collar be the sole validation in a relationship). People can experience full and rich D/s without any use of a collar, fashionably or symbolically.

Regardless of how much power individuals put on collars in their personal dynamics, collars are going to continue to be an important part of BDSM. And it’s good. We need to have something distinct to kink that makes it different from the vanilla world. Some people are going to use Velcro collars and some people are going to use a collaring ceremony as marriage vows. It all depends on the agreed upon dynamic with the Dom and sub. Whatever that dynamic, communication is key. One party has to be privy to the other. Negotiation and communication is always mandatory, as well as an honest look at one’s self and partner. It would be a horrible and jolting reality if one or the other was using a collar in the Velcro sense and the other was looking at it as an indication of commitment.

Collars are kinky. Use them wisely.

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Our New Studio for TSRnetwork.com

Our New Studio for TSRnetwork.com Live We can’t wait to  start the live shows again in the next few months as we rebuild. We are so happy to have found this place to run the live shows and bring back shows Live on TSRnetwork.com.  We will be posting photos as we make changes and create an awesome space for live Free BDSM TV

Shows produced by M.A.P. Productions

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Hollywood Spanking Munch and Party Group

artworkforfundraiserhollywood copyThis was an amazing post by Obatala who owns the Hollywood Spanking Munch and Party Group on Fetlife.com and we wish to say Thank You for all your support.

Rebuilding TSR Network Fundraiser

by Obatala

There has a been a lot of talk about fundraising to help get the TSR Network back and on-air in a new studio. Although we can’t actually hold a fund raiser via the Parties one thing that we can do is contribute.

What I am proposing in both of our Groups is a Donation Rally. The Link to theRebuild the Studio of TSR Network will be going on until September 25th.

There are various levels you can donate at, starting at $1.00.

I would say a goal of $1,000.00 from the Group would be a cool way to help. You can send me a message with your donation privately to assure your privacy and so as not to make those unable to donate feel less than supportive. After all we are living in a time where not everyone has even an extra dollar to share.

There will also be several Fundraisers around town that you can jump into the mix and help out. So remember it doesn’t take a lot, but if everyone gives a little that little becomes a lot!

Hollywood Spanking Munch and Party Group Link

https://fetlife.com/groups/10968

I have permission to share this you from the author and owner of Hollywood Spanking Munch and Party Group.

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Bordello of Decadence Fundraiser for TSRnetwork Sept 14, 2013

 

artworkforfundraiser BOD copyYou’re invited to Bordello of Decadence  for a Fundraiser to Rebuild TSRnetwork and bring back Live Free TV Broadcasting shows about BDSM. If you can’t make it the event please donate here . We are very excited about this event at Sanctuary and wish to thank Ivan for putting on this event to help rebuild TSRnetwork Studio.  The event will be on September 14  at Bordello of Decadence in  Rosemead,  CA. We will have a auction and SirGio_MasterDJ will be the DJ for the evening.

 

Will be adding more to this post as we start to get more auction donations. The first donation for the auction is from CharmingTuTus as they have donated their one of their amazing Tu Tu for this event. Plus, Sex and Metal will be making a toy donation to the auction.

 

Join us for some song, music, auction and a few spankings and lots of flogging on September 14 th at Bordello of Decadence,  for this event to raise funds for rebuilding  TSRnetwork Studio and bring back Live Free TV broadcasting as we are the only network that broadcast live educational about BDSM. We are changing the world one vanilla at a time.  Donate now and make a difference.  http://igg.me/at/tsrnetwork

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Sanctuary Studios LAX for a Fundraiser to Rebuild TSRnetwork

artworkforfundraiser copyYou’re invited to Sanctuary Studios LAX for a Fundraiser to Rebuild TSRnetwork and bring back Live Free TV Broadcasting shows about BDSM. If you can’t make it the event please donate here . We are very excited about this event at Sanctuary and wish to thank Mistress Cyan and Genesis for putting on this event to help rebuild TSRnetwork Studio.  The event will be on September 7 at Sanctuary Studio LAX. We will have a auction and SirGio_MasterDJ will be the DJ for the evening.

Will be adding more to this post as we start to get more auction donations. The first donation for the auction is from CharmingTuTus as they have donated their one of their amazing Tu Tu for this event. Plus, Sex and Metal will be making a toy donation to the auction.

Join us for some song, music, auction and a few spankings on September 7 th at Sanctuary Studio LAX for this event to raise funds for rebuilding  TSRnetwork Studio and bring back Live Free TV broadcasting as we are the only network that broadcast live educational about BDSM. We are changing the world one vanilla at a time.  Donate now and make a difference.  http://igg.me/at/tsrnetwork

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List of Shows Coming Back to TSRnetwork Lineup.

tsrsmalllogo-copyThe Dom Javier Show
The Venus De Mila show
BDSM on a Budget with Carpenter as host
Is this Normal with William Master and Novice
Miss Cassie Show
Fetish Magazine with Genesis
The Rev Mel Show

In few days we will have more announcements about other shows that are coming back and new shows.

TSR The network for free Live TV broadcasting for the community. We are changing the world one vanilla at a time.

Rev Mel

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New Sponsor For TSRnetwork.

Sex and Metal sponsors of TSRnetworkWe are proud to announce that Sex and Metal has become a sponsor for TSRnetwork.com. We wish to thank the Sex and Metal for all your support in bring TSRnetwork back on the air-waves.

Thank you,
Rev Mel

donatenow copy

Here is the link to the campaign http://igg.me/at/tsrnetwork/x/3993862

Let’s make a difference in our community and get Free Kink TV back on the air-waves.

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A Little History about TSRnetwork.com AKA Talkingsexradio.com

historyof copyTalking Sex Radio AKA TSRnetwork was created little over 11 years ago with the focus of bring forth education to the air-waves. We started out doing a radio show called the Mel and Phil show in our tiny second bedroom. This was a time that when video was out of reach and we only had the ability to do radio. I, Rev Mel was the Mel on the show and taught myself how to edit audio and how to upload a podcast to the internet. We had one microphone that Phil and I shared and we were creating a radio show. Then we added a mixer that hooked up to the computer and we now able to add more mics to the mix.

This was a time when no one knew what an RSS feed was and being the geek that I am taught myself how to build a web sit. It was the worst web site ever built but the need to bring education and safety into our life choice was the driving force.

Then changes started Phil and I parted ways and I closed down doing the radio shows for a while. I had another host called David but he only did two shows with us. Then Tony Bones come onto the scene and he became my co-host and we changed the name of the show to The Rev Mel Show. With losing the last two host I made a decision that if we names it The Rev Show that it could stay that way and even if I lost a host.

After a while I found a web site that you could create a community called Ning so Talking Sex Radio now could have members and a chat room. We paid to Ning a monthly charge to keep TalkingSexRadio.com and we were building up members and a following. They allowed adult conversation, photos and did not censor us. We were well on the road to making things happen. After a while Ning raised millions of dollars and at Christmas sent out a letter that all adult sites were going to be closed down. It hit TSR like a brick wall and we had to move fast and rebuild.

The next site was ready to use template site and I had to hire someone to do all the coding and he did a really bad job. It was problems and problems one after another and he took his money and ran. I had invested all the money I had into building this new site.

We had young man from London that came in to help and for a while we got it up and running but we still had problems it was not his fault and he put in a lot of time help us. One of our members ask her friend in Ohio if he could help and he was amazing. He worked hard to get us up and running. I will always be grateful for my friends from London and Ohio who donated their time to help.

I was paying each month for a server and the site keep getting hacked and was moving really show. Once again we were shut down and they refused to allow us to open up again as they wanted me to pay more money to a server that could handle the traffic but the traffic was from hackers not from our members. I spent about 4 hours a day getting raid of all the hackers from all over the world.

It was a mess so with in two days I build another site and moved my domain over to another company and now I have a site that is easy to manage and I can go in change things. I was once told by Count Boogie to” not worry about building a social network and to concentrate on just the shows”. He was right and should have listen to him a long time ago. Thank you Boogie for that advice.

Getting back to how did we go from radio to live streaming show? Tony Bones was my co-host and he was more of geek then me. The Rev Mel show was picked up by Heat Party Radio and they merged with Ksex.com and so our recorded shows were aired each week. The two owners were at odds with each others and there was problems and a few their host on their live streaming shows quit. Tony and I were asked to host a live streaming TV show called the Rev Mel show. We were so excited about making the change from radio to live TV shows. So we went live but then a funny thing happened. We were the last new show to air on Ksex and we were last show to air on their network. Yes, they closed the door down because of problems between the two owners.

Some would have called this bad luck but it opened up a whole new way to look at the talk shows. I researched many different companies that offer the ability to stream live TV shows on the net and I had little money to spend so it was hard to find something that I could afford. I found a company that would not break the bank but if I increased in viewers it would cost me more. It was a hard to find place to streaming live TV show about BDSM as most companies would not allow adult content.

TalkingSexRadio.com became TSRnetwork.com because we were no longer airing radio shows. Tony Bones was an amazing support with his knowledge of computers and his help to get us into streaming live shows.

We moved out of my small bedroom and moved into the living room and added a few more shows to the network. We became the first network that focused only on BDSM education and safety and our following was increasing so was my cost with the streaming company.

We worked hard to make sure we could continue doing the live shows and sharing knowledge with other like minded BDSM members. I interviewed the likes of Jay Wiseman, Midori and Guy Baldwin in my living room on no budget.

Tony Bones was given his own show and I had the Rev Mel Show and added a few more shows from my living room. We had to get friends to run the camera and run the show. At that time we had really bad mics and audio and learned the hard way. At times the audio was really bad or something would go wrong but we still worked hard to fix things. We added the ability to call in so people watching the shows could be a part of the show. We opened my living room to a live audience and my living room was now my studio and to tell you the truth it was so amazing to have friends help out week after week.

On one of the shows Colin Sir come on and surprised us with a fundraiser that the Monarchs were planing to help out TSRnetwork. They raise well over $4,000 and that went to buying a new faster gamer computer and better equipment to run the shows. None of the money was used to pay bills in running the shows as we were in need of making sure we have the right computer so we did not have the problems that we had before. We still us the same computer to run the shows as I type this.

Someone in the local community had a place to rent in a building that he had his company in. We moved into the new studio and added a second floor and a kitchen and we were off and running. We spent 6 months in building the second floor and video village as we still ran the live shows.

I also went to Vegas and saw this amazing ways to stream live show and switched over to their platform and got them to allow us to do adult broadcast. Learned their platform so well that they would call me to test new things that they added to their platform.

What was amazing is we started with one radio show a week in my spare bedroom and when we closed the door last year we were airing 7 live TV shows a week about BDSM. We did a live BDSM Pride Day show that aired for 7 hours and many people watched it live for the full show. We had call in from all over the world and presented awards to people that made a difference in BDSM. We called the TSR People’s Choice Award where members of our community voted for people that made a difference in BDSM. We had over 100 people packed into our small studio and did interviews and talked about BDSM Pride meant to them. The next year we aired BDSM Pride at Mistress Cyan’s Sanctuary to a full house.

Fast forward to present time and what where we are heading in the rebuilding of TSRnetwork. Another amazing member of our community has room in his warehouse to rebuild the studio and will be announcing soon the name of the person and the location soon.

I would like to talk about the idea behind TSRnetwork and where the idea came from. TSRnetwork was never created with the idea of making money. It was created because of the love of our community and the love of BDSM. Many people had said that well Rev Mel is a bad business woman because she has not made any money at airing the shows. It was never about making money and many don’t understand that. It was about making a difference in our freedom to enjoy our BDSM community and education our member about keeping it safe and informed. This may not make sense to some but to me it’s about giving back to a life choice that has given me so much.

TSR is about touching people that can’t get to a dungeon or a munch. Living a in big city we have so many places to go to meet like minded people but in the smaller towns it is very limited. Most of our viewers are from those small towns and they got to see people like Ken Marcus talking about his amazing photos or being able to see the beautiful Venus de Mila live. They got to see demos like Sex and Metal and fire live on their computers or learned how to keep safe in their play.

Another comment I have gotten is by a few people “well guess the community does not want what you have to offer and maybe you should just give up and let it all go”. What I say to those that say is it’s about saving lives and it’s my way of being of service to our community. Yes, as a Dom I do believe we need to be of service to help make our community a better place. If I have saved one life or been a part of one person not getting hurt that it was worth it.

We have made a lot of mistakes and have had a hard road in trying to grow TSRnetwork but in the end I would not have change anything. For the people that that think I should just give up I hope you to read this post and really take a look at how TSR started. See what we faced all these years and try to put you self in the shoes of myself and the other hosts that have had shows on TSRnetwork. We do come from a good place inside our hearts and believe we are doing a good thing along with so many in our community.

I have seen some amazing things take place on TSR over the years and I have seen some very ugly things happen live on the shows. At TSRnetwork we tried to keep balance and give many points of views and many were not happy when they disagreed with some of our hosts opinion and the mud starter flying. The network of TSR got hurt deeply by some of these things and yes I have been criticized for not pulling the plug on a few things. Yes, mistakes happened and yes we got hurt by them but if there is anyone out there that did not ever make a mistake please come forward. It is easy to criticize others but think about the damage that one can do to another that is just trying to share knowledge with others.

I won’t censor my hosts but in the future I will not allow any of our host or viewers calling to use TSRnetwork in any way in a negative vain. We are not Jerry Springer and not looking to boast up our ratings with negative talk. It’s to hurtful to so many and it stops here. We are here to educate and to share some amazing stories with other like minded folks. If for one moment you could walk in our shoes and understand that is a miracle that we even got this far.

We have an indiegogo campaign as we are trying to raise money so we can even make the live shows better. If the community can look at where we have been and where we going maybe they will open their hearts and give to a good cause. What most don’t understand is I really don’t own TSRnetwork the community does. All of the shows, network and interviews will be left to the community after I’m gone as it belongs to the all of us. I only have one family member and she is not into BDSM and would close it down and all the tapes and interviews would be lost. I give TSRnetwork to all of you the members of the BDSM community.

I’m 61 years old and know that I will not be here for ever and I know deep down that TSRnetwork has made a difference in many lives.. I thank everyone that has believe in our work and for the people that volunteered to work the shows behind the scenes. To all the guest and to the wonderful host that come each week and give back to our community. To the Monarchs that had a fundraiser many years ago and to person that is giving us a new home. But most of all to the viewers that watched our shows and chat-ed in the chat room and called in. To you I thank you.. The the people that donated this last week on our campaign and to the wonderful people that give me cash and checks when they saw me this weekend at the lair. I have been informed that a few dungeons across the country will be holding a fundraiser to support TSRnetwork. I wish to thank you… You are all so very amazing……

I have never been happier then when I’m running one of the shows behind the scenes and watching some amazing people that have changed the way we look at BDSM. What matters to me to keep our community safe and knowing what I know now I would do it all over again.

Please donate to help make TSR a better network. If everyone you knew donated just one dollar or five dollars you could make a difference and help to support TSR.

Link to indiegogo campagn.
http://igg.me/at/tsrnetwork

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